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Everyone should eat vegetarian food because they do not meat to have a healthy life. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everyone should eat vegetarian food because they do not meat to have a healthy life. v. 1
The emerging Technology has changed the data sharing and utilisation methods than past. This essay will first discuss about the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is the data insecurity and more prone to cyber-attacks and followed by the solution to this concern, namely the implementation of the secure data network. To begin with, the main problem associated with the information transmission is attack on and leakage of the confidential information. In other words, wide range of data is shared by various networking sites make the route for hackers to hijack the data. Consequently, the vital and most private information security system gets interrupted and decoded by the unofficials, hence can be used to harm the organization. For example, in 2018, the massive worldwide computers had been corrupted and hacked by some attackers due to the use of insecure way of data sharing. A possible solution to the above mentioned problem is to use virtual networking system. It means, to create a secured and end-to-end data transmission medium in which coded form of official data should be shared by one side and after receiving the required information gets decoded. For instance, in the military system, The supreme data is forwarded to a specific person by the utilisation of secured and paid softwares. In conclusion, vast technological transformations made it convenient to transmit information. But this lead to the most dangerous problem, which is data hijacking and the introduction of virtual network is the only possible solution for secure data transmission.
The emerging Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
sharing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
methods than past. This essay will
first
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by this phenomenon

is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
insecurity and more prone to cyber-attacks and followed by the solution to this concern,
namely
the implementation of the secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
network.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
transmission is attack on and leakage of the confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
In other words
, wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is shared
by various networking sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the route for hackers to hijack the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
Consequently
, the vital and most private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
security system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
interrupted and decoded by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unofficials
,
hence
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to harm the organization.
For example
, in 2018, the massive worldwide computers had
been corrupted
and hacked by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attackers due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of insecure way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
sharing.

A possible solution to the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
virtual networking system. It means, to create a secured and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-to-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
transmission medium in which coded form of official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should
be shared
by one side and after receiving the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
decoded.
For instance
, in the military system, The supreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is forwarded
to a specific person by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of secured and paid
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
.

In conclusion
, vast technological transformations made it convenient to transmit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this lead to the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
hijacking and the introduction of virtual network is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible solution for secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
transmission.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Everyone should eat vegetarian food because they do not meat to have a healthy life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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