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Task 2: Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Task 2: Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. v. 1
Change is perspective of life and transition happen in each phase of life. Although, there are some people who love to do the same kind of work for their whole life yet, other people give preference to different category of profession. In my opinion, I think people should modify position according to the time. To begin with, there are various arguments in favour of the aforementioned statement. Firstly, a number of employees get position according to their choice and they feel comfortable as well as satisfied because of a lot of experience in the same post they do not want to leave their career and stay on the same job for long duration. For example, I used to work at Tim Horton’s. There was my supervisor who doing her job for 7 years. And manager gave her the opportunity to work as assistant manager, but she declined because she said I am feeling easy on my position and I do not want to leave it. Secondly, individuals are getting enough salary from their job and they are saving for their emergencies. As well as feeling convenience in the working conditions. Therefore, they do not think to transition their job. On the other hand, some workers want to gain knowledge of different fields because of that, numerous individuals love to explore the world through distinguish kind of jobs. Moreover, some workers not happy with their current position due to the factors like not proper appraisal, not friendly environment and rude nature of manager. In view of, people find immediately new post. Nevertheless, some feel bore due to the same type of work and they like to do different works. In conclusion, while there are strong arguments on both sides of the case, but my personal view is that people should try a different kind of careers to improve their knowledge.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
is perspective of life and transition happen in each phase of life. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their whole life
yet
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
category of profession. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should modify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
according to the time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the aforementioned statement.
Firstly
, a number of employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
according to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they feel comfortable
as well
as satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience in the same post they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their career and stay on the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for long duration.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at Tim Horton’s. There was my supervisor who doing her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for 7 years. And manager gave her the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as assistant manager,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she declined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she said I am feeling easy on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
and I do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it.
Secondly
, individuals are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they are saving for their emergencies.
As well
as feeling convenience in the working conditions.
Therefore
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to transition their job.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers want to gain knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, numerous individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore the world through distinguish kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers not happy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
due to the factors like not proper appraisal, not friendly environment and rude nature of manager. In view of,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find immediately new post.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "feels"?
feel
bore due to the same type of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they like to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
works.

In conclusion
, while there are strong arguments on both sides of the case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my personal view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of careers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Task 2: Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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