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24. In some countries, young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year finishing high school and starting university study. Discuss advantage and disadvantage for your people who decide to do it. v.2

There arises no question over the verity if this statement that with the purpose of introspection and exploring the best possible path to choose, young individuals, in these times, are often allowed to skip one year after, conclusion of high school and before the commencement of a college or university, to work or make journeys. certainly, it has got scores of favorable aspects to offer yet unfavorable ones thrive in its lap. the upcoming paragraphs will explain both praiseworthy and shortcomings in a more specified way. having an year gap between high school and tertiary education can prove to be a boon for an individual in many a way. in the first place, keeping in mind the tremendous benefits that travelling delivers, it would not be out of place to mention that these time of period can develop personalities of young ones while widening their perspective about the world, enhance their chance of reaching to maximum productivity in university education as well as later life. nextly, if a person works after finishing the high school and before starting university study, he would be able to bring his hidden talent out. considering this, it is pertinent to mention that a person may excel in his profession or business in later life and can earn a hefty amount of money and make name for himself. notwithstanding the benefits, the other side if the picture is rather grim for a start taking an year of might prove to be a destructive step for students as they can get astray from the studies. perhaps it would be safe to remark that this distraction will take a heavy tole one their academics and thereby, on their bright future. what else could be considered is that travelling or working after completion of high school may not be suitable for students owing to the fact that bad elements can meet the impressionable minds and influence them to ted the path of crime. at last, it can be summed up that no doubt there are some demerits of getting one year leave between finishing high school and prior to tertiary education but the merits of it, which far outstrip the farmer, are surely not to be missed as this time off can reap rich dividends in overall development of child.
There arises no question over the verity if this statement that with the purpose of introspection and exploring the best possible path to choose, young individuals, in these times, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to skip one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after, conclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the commencement of a college or university, to work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
journeys.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
certainly
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
scores of favorable aspects to offer
yet
unfavorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
thrive in its lap.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
upcoming paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both praiseworthy and shortcomings in a more specified way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
having
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and tertiary education can prove to be a boon for an individual in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a way.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
in
the
first
place, keeping in mind the tremendous benefits that travelling delivers, it would not be out of place to mention that these time of period can develop personalities of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
while widening their perspective about the world, enhance their chance of reaching to maximum productivity in university education
as well
as later life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
nextly
, if a person works after finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university study, he would be able to bring his hidden talent out.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
considering
this, it is pertinent to mention that a person may excel in his profession or business in later life and can earn a hefty amount of money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
name for himself.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
notwithstanding
the benefits, the other side if the picture is
rather
grim for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of might prove to be a destructive step for students as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
astray from the studies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
perhaps
it would be safe to remark that this distraction will take a heavy tole one their academics and thereby, on their bright future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
what
else could
be considered
is that travelling or working after completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may not be suitable for students owing to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
elements can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the impressionable minds and influence them to ted the path of crime.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
at
last, it can
be summed
up that no doubt there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of getting one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
between finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and prior to tertiary education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the merits of it, which far outstrip the farmer, are
surely
not to
be missed
as this time off can reap rich dividends in
overall
development of child.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universities studies. discuss the advantage and disadvantage for young people who decide to do this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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