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Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. v. 1
The internet has penetrated the global market to an extent that, cure for many health related problems can be found online. In my opinion, this could be helpful for basic solutions, but not for treatment of any medical conditions. Therefore, I believe this a negative development. Nowadays, One of the most popular search done on the internet is, finding treatment for health related problems. People depend a lot on the recently developed technology to gain information and solutions for their day to day life. One of them is finding medicine for the illness. Though, this can be helpful as there are many home remedies available for improving basic health issue by using household items. For example, making herbal tea for cold and cough. But a person should not risk their health by doing so for complex or serious unwellness. However, one main reason is, depending on the internet for severe health issues could be life threatening. Most of the young people, who are well educated and handy with online searches, believe that they could even search for medicines for relative sickness, but they could incorrectly judge the illness and apply wrong medicine, which could make the sickness more intense. For instance, applying an medicine for skin infection, which could spread if not treated by appropriately. Another reason is, this advance technology can be used for understanding the illness and to learn how to avoid such circumstances, so that it cannot happen again. To illustrate, the internet could be considered as a useful tool for searching precautionary methods for various illness. Though, the information given on websites could be incomplete or conditional. To conclude, in my opinion, depending on internet information for finding medicine to treat the illness could be life-threatening and cause further inconvenience to the body. Hence, one should always consult a doctor for a reliable treatment.
The internet has penetrated the global market to an extent that, cure for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related problems can
be found
online. In my opinion, this could be helpful for basic solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for treatment of any medical conditions.
Therefore
, I believe this a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

Nowadays, One of the most popular search done on the internet is, finding treatment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
depend a lot on the recently developed technology to gain information and solutions for their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. One of them is finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
. Though, this can be helpful as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
home remedies available for improving basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue by using household items.
For example
, making herbal tea for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and cough.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a person should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for complex or serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwellness
.

However
, one main reason is, depending on the internet for severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues could be life threatening. Most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and handy with online searches, believe that they could even search for medicines for relative sickness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they could
incorrectly
judge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
and apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the sickness more intense.
For instance
, applying
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
for skin infection, which could spread if not treated by
appropriately
.

Another reason is, this advance technology can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
and to learn how to avoid such circumstances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it cannot happen again. To illustrate, the internet could
be considered
as a useful tool for searching precautionary methods for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
. Though, the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on websites could be incomplete or conditional.

To conclude
, in my opinion, depending on internet information for finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
could be life-threatening and cause
further
inconvenience to the body.
Hence
, one should always consult a doctor for a reliable treatment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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