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Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. v. 1
Ensuring adequate food for the entire population has been a major concern for nations throughout the centuries. Some people believe that government should focus on producing all kinds of food while importing as less as possible to ensure buying capabilities of all citizens. I firmly believe that producing many kinds of food is an inevitable effort in terms of ensuring nation’s food security. Firstly, the more a country relies on imported food, the more food crisis it faces. Food import includes transportation costs, taxation and other charges that eventually increase the food price. To tackle this problem, a government should allocate more budgets to improve national production by maximising the collaboration of university and research laboratory. Consequently, this idea can create more talented individuals who would be involved in domestic food production. Furthermore, by mass production of all kinds of food items, a country can prepare for the rainy days. Secondly, by focusing on farming, irrigation and planting, a government can decrease unemployment problems. For example, in Indonesia, farming sector creates the highest percentage of jobs. More than 50 percent Indonesian are directly or indirectly depends on the agriculture sector. Finally, imported food does not have the quality and freshness that locally produced one can offer. If food is imported from a long distance, the food value degrades and in some cases, toxic chemicals are used to preserve the food. Thus the local production of foods would ensure better food quality and sound health of citizens. In conclusion, preventing the food crisis, ensuring better food quality and decreasing unemployment issues could implement if a country becomes self-sufficient on their food production. Massively producing all kind of foods is a great effort which government could decide and take advantages of.
Ensuring adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the entire population has been a major concern for nations throughout the centuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on producing all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
while importing as
Did you mean "less", "little"?
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
possible to ensure buying capabilities of all citizens. I
firmly
believe that producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
Did you mean "foods"?
food
is an inevitable effort in terms of ensuring nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
security.

Firstly
, the more a country relies on imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis it faces.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
import includes transportation costs, taxation and other charges that
eventually
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
price. To tackle this problem, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more budgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximising' is British English.
maximising
the collaboration of university and research laboratory.
Consequently
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can create more talented individuals who would
be involved
in domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
.
Furthermore
, by mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items, a country can prepare for the rainy days.

Secondly
, by focusing on farming, irrigation and planting, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can decrease unemployment problems.
For example
, in Indonesia, farming sector creates the highest percentage of jobs. More than 50 percent Indonesian are
directly
or
indirectly
depends on the agriculture sector.

Finally
, imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not have the quality and freshness that
locally
produced one can offer. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is imported
from a long distance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
value degrades and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, toxic chemicals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
would ensure better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality and sound health of citizens.

In conclusion
, preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis, ensuring better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality and decreasing unemployment issues could implement if a country becomes self-sufficient on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
.
Massively
producing all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is a great effort which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could decide and take advantages of.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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