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Task 1: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Task 1: Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Most people do not look forward to aging. This is because aging seem to come with more health issues and more responsibility compared with younger age. But, dose that mean that they are enjoying life less than they did before? I personally disagree with the statement. I believe that life is enjoyable and being older is a blessing. Every year of maturing is worth being lived and enjoyed. To begin with, there is no denying that young people have less responsibility such as family and work. Thus, they can spend more time with their hobby and entertain themselves while mature people who are working and have more responsibility and may be taking care of family. However, many mature people embrace their responsibilities of family and work and consider them a joy. Many people find fulfillment in their work and family and enjoy spending their time in those pursuits. In addition, I think younger and older people both have to face stressful situations, although with a different focus. Many younger people have to focus on studying in order to gain more education, have good job opportunity, and to be successful in the future. Because studying takes a lot of energy, time and concentration, young people may not have much time for recreation and to pursue whatever other people their age may be doing. On the other hand, mature people also have to face stressful situations with work and family. In most cases they tend to have more experiences and skill in problem solving compared with younger people. Moreover, we should also consider that after the hard work of a career, people retire and they seem have more time and money to concentrate on their interests and hobbies again. Those who are fortunate enough to retire in good financial standing and in good health are more relaxed and free to enjoy the last years of their lives. Furthermore, even though older people seem to have more health problems than young people do, this assertion is not completely true. Many young people also have physical health problems. Some young people may have serious health issues and other suffer from less serious issues such as shoulder ache from sitting for too long playing computer games, or injuries from sports or physical fitness accidents. Thus, I think that good health is essential for making life more enjoyable for everyone. In conclusion, I would say that life is enjoyable and we are learning and maturing everyday. In living life both younger people and older people have joy and suffering to deal with. I strongly believe that older people are capable to enjoy living life more than young people do. What is most important is that all people learn to appreciate life, do their best, and enjoy themselves in every situations.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not look forward to aging. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
aging seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, dose that mean that they are enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
less than they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
? I
personally
disagree with the statement. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is enjoyable and being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
is a blessing. Every year of maturing is worth being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
and enjoyed.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
, they can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their hobby and entertain themselves while mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and may be taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
embrace their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and consider them a joy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find fulfillment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in those pursuits.

In addition
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face stressful situations, although with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
focus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on studying in order to gain more education, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job opportunity, and to be successful in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
studying takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and concentration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreation and to pursue whatever other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
their age may be doing.
On the other hand
, mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face stressful situations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In most cases
they tend to have more experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in problem solving compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, we should
also
consider that after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of a career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
retire and
they
Probably a preposition is missing after 'seem'.
seem have
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money to concentrate on their interests and hobbies again. Those who are fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to retire in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
financial standing and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are more relaxed and free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the last years of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do, this assertion is not completely true.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
have physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and other suffer from less serious issues such as shoulder ache from sitting for too long playing computer games, or injuries from sports or physical fitness accidents.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is essential for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more enjoyable for everyone.

In conclusion
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enjoyable and
we are learning and maturing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. In living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have joy and suffering to deal with. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. What is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn to appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, do their best, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
themselves in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "situation"?
situations
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Task 1: Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
464 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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