Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree. v.2

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. v. 2
Since early in the present century, the detrimental effects of cigarettes and other tobacco products on health has received considerable attention. There is a widely held view that governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products for the sake of protecting public health. While there still remain some valid arguments to the contrary, it is my personal view that cigarettes and tobacco should be made illegal. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that not only does smoking affect negatively on the person smoking but it also has adverse impact on people surrounding. On individual scale, cigarettes and other tobacco products are high in nicotin and harmful chemical substances that are responsible for countless ailments and even death. Moreover, although I certainly agree that smoking can stimulate good mood and excitement, its cost and negative effects on health in the long run are significant. In other words, while smoking is beneficial in the long term, its long term effect are generally negative. Therefore, laws prohibiting smoking would be entirely justified. Further and even more importantly, people spend a great deal of money on cigarettes and other tobacco products per anum, which is really harmful to the host economy. It is estimated that it costs about 2 dollars to buy a pack of cigarettes and each adult consume approximately 2 packs every day. What is more is that it is prohibitively expensive to cure smoking- related ailments. It costs national budget millions of dollar yearly. It either costs smokers time and money to heal their illness or interrupt manufacturing because of the lack of healthy labor. By way of conclusion, I once again affirm my position that government should take the responsibility of controlling the trade and consume of cigarettes and other tobacco products for the sake of the shared benefit of society. In years to come, I believe that public education in terms of danger potential of smoking and laws banning consuming cigarettes and tobacco goods should be warranted.
Since early in the present century, the detrimental effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on health has received considerable attention. There is a
widely
held view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for the sake of protecting public health. While there
still
remain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments to the contrary, it is my personal view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
should
be made
illegal.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
affect
negatively
on the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has adverse impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surrounding. On individual scale,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are high in
Possible spelling mistake found.
nicotin
and harmful chemical substances that are responsible for countless ailments and even death.
Moreover
, although I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can stimulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood and excitement, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on health in the long run are significant. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is beneficial in the long term, its long term effect are
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
Therefore
, laws prohibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
would be
entirely
justified.

Further
and even more
importantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend a great deal of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
per
Possible spelling mistake found.
anum
, which is
really
harmful to the host economy. It
is estimated
that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
about 2 dollars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a pack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and each adult consume approximately 2 packs every day.
What is more
is that it is
prohibitively
expensive to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking-
related ailments. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
national budget millions of dollar yearly. It either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
smokers time and money to heal their illness or interrupt manufacturing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of healthy labor.

By way of conclusion, I once again affirm my position that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take the responsibility of controlling the trade and consume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for the sake of the shared benefit of society. In years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, I believe that public education in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
potential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and laws banning consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
should
be warranted
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts