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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Even though, agriculture had experienced tremendous development so far, there are still individuals suffering from hunger and famine. The main reasons causing this phenomenon are that the advances did not happen all around the world equally and also the new methods and technologies implemented by farmers in these days and age are expensive to own and use. The development of agriculture around the world does not follow a same pattern and in some regions such as USA or Europe, there is exponential growth in the amount of goods produced by farm workers while in other parts for instance Africa the increases in the amount of food produced by farmers are not so great and did not meet the needs of a growing population. One the other hand nowadays production of food on farms is a process in constant need of technology, which in many cases are not cheap and affordable for all the people around the world. To overcome the hunger crisis forever new technologies and methods should be invented in a way that they could be affordable for farmers in poor areas of the world. Furthermore, International organization such as the UN or FAO which are accountable for helping those whom suffering from hunger should invest in bringing this method and instruments to those who are in need of them. In conclusion, growing plants and extracting food from them has a different story in every part of the world in some parts of the world, it takes so much effort to grow food and advance tools and methods are too expensive for some of these regions and unless developed countries and transnational organization help them otherwise they can not fight hunger and poverty.
Even though
, agriculture had experienced tremendous development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, there are
still
individuals suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and famine. The main reasons causing this phenomenon are that the advances did not happen all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
equally
and
also
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
and technologies implemented by farmers in these days and age are expensive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

The development of agriculture around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
does not follow a same pattern and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
or Europe, there is exponential growth in the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
produced by farm workers while in other parts
for instance
Africa the increases in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
produced by farmers are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
great and did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of a growing population.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand nowadays production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on farms is a process in constant need of technology, which in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and affordable for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world.

To overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
crisis forever new technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should
be invented
in a way that they could be affordable for farmers in poor areas of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Furthermore
, International organization such as the UN or FAO which are accountable for helping those whom suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
should invest in bringing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
and instruments to those who are in need of them.

In conclusion
, growing plants and extracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from them has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
story in every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much effort to grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and advance tools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are too expensive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these regions and unless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and transnational organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
otherwise
they can not fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
and poverty.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Young people enjoy life more than older people do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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