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Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in job shifting of youngsters. It is argued by many that this phenomenon is mainly attributed to the wish of seeking for new working environment in the youth. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem and whether this modification is positive or not. In my view, people change their jobs for the sake of experiencing new working environment. Some young people may find it boring to do rituals day by day, while others may collide with their boss or collegues, which causes them to distressed and frustrated. Low salary and unsuitable working environment may also contribute to this issue. The youth are the ones who are energetic and creative, thus a working environment with closed system will not be intimately bound up with them. The latter jobs may offer them better salary and more challenging opportunities that the previous one lacks of. On the upside, the good and suitable new jobs will induce interest, passion and motivation for the young. New working environment leads them to be more curious and to discover more. Better salary, on the other hand, makes their physical life much better. On top of that, collision will definitely refrained from in the new corporation with no conflict between employees and between employees and the boss. Regarding the drawbacks of job shifts frequently, it may be a huge cost of not only the employees but also the corporation. In terms of job seekers, job shifts will bring about cost of changing their house and loss of time. Changing into a new job, furthermore, will have deterious impact on promotion in career path. Corporations also face a giant cost of recruiting new employees, training staffs and making them familiar with new posts. That workers give up their jobs, moreover, put off the whole workflow and consequently slow down the prosperity of the corporation. By ways of conclusion, that many young people change their jobs and careers contains benefits as well as drawbacks. It is my personal view that youngsters should carefully evaluate their companies and the opportunities that can be got at first to ensure that it is an ideal place to grow and get promoted in the long term rather than always taking shifts in jobs.
In recent years, there has been a dramatic increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
shifting of youngsters. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that this phenomenon is
mainly
attributed to the wish of seeking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in the youth. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem and whether this modification is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or not.

In my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the sake of experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may find it boring to do rituals day by day, while others may collide with their boss or
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
, which causes them to distressed and frustrated. Low salary and unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
may
also
contribute to this issue. The youth
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the ones who are energetic and creative,
thus
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
with closed system will not be
intimately
bound up with them. The latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may offer them better salary and more challenging opportunities that the previous one lacks of.

On the upside, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will induce interest, passion and motivation for the young.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
leads them to be more curious and to discover more. Better salary,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their physical life much better.
On top of that
, collision will definitely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "refrain"
refrained
from in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
corporation with no conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and the boss.

Regarding the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
shifts
frequently
, it may be a huge cost of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the corporation. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
shifts will bring about cost of changing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and loss of time. Changing into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
furthermore
, will have
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterious
impact on promotion in career path. Corporations
also
face a giant cost of recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, training staffs and making them familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
posts. That workers give up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
moreover
, put off the whole workflow and
consequently
slow down the prosperity of the corporation.

By ways of conclusion, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and careers contains benefits
as well
as drawbacks. It is my personal view that youngsters should
carefully
evaluate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the opportunities that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
at
first
to ensure that it is an ideal place to grow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted in the long term
rather
than always taking shifts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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