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These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of the rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed v.5

These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of the rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed v. 5
Since early in the present century, the significant increase of exodus from rural to urban has received considerable attention. Country towns appear to be dying due to the fact that people migrate to the big cities in search of excitement and job. In this essay, I intend to analyze the effects of this phenomenon and what can be done to address the problem and reverse the trend. Rural depopulation brings adverse impacts on both the urban and countryside. First of all, when a city is overloaded with too many inhabitants, overcrowding and a high population density erode the quality of life. Most noticeable is the fact that congested traffic, noise and population occurs much more frequently in the cities compared to the rural. What is more is that the uncontrolled high growth of population in cities give rises to severe problems, such as crime, high unemployment, the creation of slums, all of which disturb the harmony of city life. Equally important, the majority of young people moving to big cities for the sake of earning a living leads to the shortage of skilled labor for farming. Thus, the migration from rural to urban leaves the farmhouses abandoned, which eventually makes the towns no longer serves their original function as a core agriculture in the nation. In order to stem the tide of rural depopulation, I believe we must first address its root causes, namely creating job opportunities. Rural development needs to be stepped up, with investments going into education, tourism, and recreation. Better schools and colleges will attract teachers and stop the young from leaving. And with improved infrastructure the countryside, which is already full of attractions, could draw more tourists, leading to job opportunities for locals. By way of conclusion, the problem is unlikely to be resolved in the short term. It is by no means insurmountable, nonetheless, I firmly believe that the appropriate method of developing rural areas is the most optimum ways to balance population distribution.
Since early in the present century, the significant increase of exodus from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
to urban has received considerable attention. Country towns appear to be dying due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in search of excitement and job. In this essay, I intend to analyze the effects of this phenomenon and what can
be done
to address the problem and reverse the trend.

Rural depopulation brings adverse impacts on both the urban and countryside.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when a city
is overloaded
with too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inhabitants, overcrowding and a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
density erode the quality of life. Most noticeable is the fact that congested traffic, noise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
occurs much more
frequently
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
.
What is more
is that the uncontrolled high growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
give rises to severe problems, such as crime, high unemployment, the creation of slums, all of which disturb the harmony of city life.

Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, the majority of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for the sake of earning a living leads to the shortage of skilled labor for farming.
Thus
, the migration from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
to urban
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the farmhouses abandoned, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the towns no longer serves their original function as a core agriculture in the nation.

In order to stem the tide of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
depopulation, I believe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
address its root causes,
namely
creating job opportunities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
development needs to
be stepped
up, with investments going into education, tourism, and recreation. Better schools and colleges will attract teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the young from leaving. And with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
infrastructure the countryside, which is already full of attractions, could draw more tourists, leading to job opportunities for locals.

By way of conclusion, the problem is unlikely to
be resolved
in the short term. It is by no means insurmountable, nonetheless, I
firmly
believe that the appropriate method of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas is the most optimum ways to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
distribution.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of the rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of the rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed v.5