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Talk about your hometown. You should say: -where the most crowded area in your hometown is-what your advice is for someone intending to visit your hometown-how it could be a better place for tourists. -how you see your hometown growing in the next 20 years. v.1

Talk about your hometown. You should say: -where the most crowded area in your hometown is-what your advice is for someone intending to visit your hometown-how it could be a better place for tourists. -how you see your hometown growing in the next 20 years. v. 1
It is obvious that art has been located in the middle of all cultures around the World for many years. However, nowadays many of us have been drawing more attention to scientific, technological and economic field for last ten years. I think that there are some reasons why people's values have changed and how measures might be taken to tackle with this situation. To begin with, one of the reasons is parents are forcing their children to study science areas because they think that the artists creating masterpieces could not make the proper amount of money for living and also they see the arts as a hobby. Moreover, second reason is that science and business create more job opportunities and sustain economies so governments do not support people who are interested in art that is why day by day amount of artists has been decreasing. On the other hand, some measures should be taken in order to draw attention to the arts. Personally, governments and societies are responsible to solve out this issue. One of the ways to figure out with this situation is to advocate the role of art in human culture, lifestyle and how it exists in daily life. And second solution is that governments should create jobs in this sector by opening more art galleries, organizing exhibitions and cultural programmes. This will encourage more students to pursue art at schools and colleges. To sum up, art has been taken less attention rather than technology, science and the other economic fields, but governments and communities should notice and analyse what are the reasons and how they can face with this circumstance. Personally, if they not, they may lose their cultural heritage and values.
It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has
been located
in the middle of all cultures around the World for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
However
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us have been drawing more attention to scientific, technological and economic field for last ten years. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's values have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and how measures might
be taken
to tackle with this situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is parents are forcing their children to study science areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the artists creating masterpieces could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the proper amount of money for living and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a hobby.
Moreover
, second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that science and business create more job opportunities and sustain economies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
that is
why day by day amount of artists has been decreasing.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures should
be taken
in order to draw attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Personally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and societies are responsible to solve out this issue. One of the ways to figure out with this situation is to advocate the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in human culture, lifestyle and how it exists in daily life. And second solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should create jobs in this sector by opening more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries, organizing exhibitions and cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. This will encourage more students to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at schools and colleges.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has
been taken
less attention
rather
than technology, science and the other economic fields,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and communities should notice and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and how they can face with this circumstance.
Personally
, if they not, they may lose their cultural heritage and values.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Talk about your hometown. You should say: -where the most crowded area in your hometown is-what your advice is for someone intending to visit your hometown-how it could be a better place for tourists. -how you see your hometown growing in the next 20 years. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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