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Describe the most important thing you learned at school/college. You should say: -what it was-when and where you learned it-how you were taught-and explain why you consider it so important. v.1

Describe the most important thing you learned at school/college. You should say: -what it was-when and where you learned it-how you were taught-and explain why you consider it so important. v. 1
It has long been a subject of discussion on whether to minimize cybercrime and ensure the safety of the user, the government should control the internet or vice-versa. In my opinion, the former notion has several strong elements that deserve attention and I will explain why using pertinent arguments. My viewpoint has a myriad of arguments. The most perceptible with, lies in the fact, that the majority of fraudulent money transactions are completed online. Not only does it reveal some astonishing figures that prove that the online hackers would be able to steal data and documents from personal computers through the online platform, but it also encourages one to consider more details further down the track which gives transparent and logical reasoning to the people of today's world about the cybercrime. For example, it is possible to control your mobile camera without the user's permission through the internet. Self-evidently, all these facts stand people in good stead as far as their privacy and security are concerned. Another vital facet of the argument is that, based on some real-time facts and figures, 60% of child pornography were spread through insecure internet. Besides, a few perks, it is up to the authorities to further educate people and allow them to use firewall protection before using the insecure internet. Therefore, it is quite evident why many are in favour of my stance. From what has been discussed, one can conclude that the benefits of controlling internet usage are indeed too great to ignore. The best solution for this issue would be taken by the government to spread awareness about cybercrime among the people.
It has long been a subject of discussion on whether to minimize cybercrime and ensure the safety of the user, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control the internet or vice-versa. In my opinion, the former notion has several strong elements that deserve attention and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why using pertinent arguments.

My viewpoint has a myriad of arguments. The most perceptible with, lies in the fact, that the majority of fraudulent money transactions
are completed
online. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it reveal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
astonishing figures that prove that the online hackers would be able to steal data and documents from personal computers through the online platform,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
encourages one to consider more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
further
down the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
which gives transparent and logical reasoning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world about the cybercrime.
For example
, it is possible to control your mobile camera without the user's permission through the internet. Self-
evidently
, all these facts stand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead as far as their privacy and security
are concerned
.

Another vital facet of the argument is that, based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
real-time facts and figures, 60% of child pornography
were spread
through insecure internet.
Besides
, a few perks, it is up to the authorities to
further
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
firewall protection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using the insecure internet.
Therefore
, it is quite evident why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance.

From what has
been discussed
, one can conclude that the benefits of controlling internet usage are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. The best solution for this issue would
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to spread awareness about cybercrime among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Describe the most important thing you learned at school/college. You should say: -what it was-when and where you learned it-how you were taught-and explain why you consider it so important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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