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Talk about the importance of fresh water to life and offer your own solutions to preserve this very valuable natural resource. v.1

Talk about the importance of fresh water to life and offer your own solutions to preserve this very valuable natural resource. v. 1
It is thought by some that parents who choose private institutions for their education should not have to pay taxes for the education system. Although these benefits many individuals, in a broad sense, it would be harmful to the society and therefore I disagree with this view. There are several reasons why people hold this view. Firstly, it would create a sense of unfairness in the society. Despite parents sending their children to private schools, they are required to pay the same as those who send their offsprings to state school. Additionally, taxes paid by the money could be spent elsewhere. For example, it could be devoted to the child’s welfare or private institutions which they study in. However, there are many problems related to this. Initially, this would mean degradation of the quality of government schools as there would be a lack of funding, and thus not improvement in facilities. Furthermore, few state schools could may have to close due to funding problem. Therefore, children of poor people are taken away the opportunity of study. As well as this, governments may to have to employ people to calculate taxes of different people according to how they enjoy state facilities. All of these can be avoided if tax money remains the same for everyone. In conclusion, reducing the tax for people who not send their children to public schools may be beneficial on individual level, but as society as a whole, it would have detrimental effects so the tax for all people should be the same.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that parents who choose private institutions for their education should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
for the education system. Although these benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals, in a broad sense, it would be harmful to the society and
therefore
I disagree with this view.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold this view.
Firstly
, it would create a sense of unfairness in the society. Despite parents sending their children to private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, they
are required
to pay the same as those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
paid by the money could
be spent
elsewhere.
For example
, it could
be devoted
to the child’s welfare or private institutions which they study in.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems related to this.
Initially
, this would mean degradation of the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as there would be a lack of funding, and
thus
not improvement in facilities.
Furthermore
, few state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "could, may", "could" or "may"?
could may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close due to funding problem.
Therefore
, children of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taken
away the opportunity of study.
As well
as this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to calculate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
according to how they enjoy state facilities. All of these can
be avoided
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
money remains the same for everyone.

In conclusion
, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may be beneficial on individual level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as society as a whole, it would have detrimental effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be the same.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Talk about the importance of fresh water to life and offer your own solutions to preserve this very valuable natural resource. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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