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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communications, such as letters, emails, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.304

Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communications, such as letters, emails, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 304
Today, people in various countries are well aware of the problems caused by the overweight and taking care by following diet to be in shape. But in few nations it's going in an opposite way, people are suffering with over weight issues due to lack of maintaining their fitness and neglecting their health. One country I would probably mention when comes to the overweight issues is America. The majority of people in the states are suffering from obesity. A survey conducted by New York Times in the year 2018 stated, the average weight of an American is around 75 kilograms and it increases about 0. 5 percent every five year term. For example, my friend from USA use to be around 55 kilograms in the 2011 and now in 2019 he weighs around 75. I always suggest him some tips to follow which helps him to stay fit all the time. The main reason for being overweight is their diet. Many of these countries regularly have junk food which is oil rich and contains high amount of cholesterol leads to the cardiac arrest and various types of cancers. For example, my relative who was born in Saudi often eats fast proceed food and last year he got a sudden stroke and expired. Doctor's given the explanation of his death is due to his overweight. The government of such countries shouldn't encourage the companies which offer junk. Along with that, they strictly need to implement the laws on the existing brand's. They should create fitness related ad-campaigns, marathons and include all the necessary exercises for the students in their school and college curriculum. Conducting fitness related competition's among them may also bring changes in the people's mindset towards health. To conclude, the people in the countries whose average weight of a person increases has to strictly follow the diet rules and should exercise regularly. Respective country heads should seriously think about the overweight issues and should resolve from its root level.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are well aware of the problems caused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and taking care by following diet to be in shape.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in few nations it's going
Consider replacing "in an opposite way" with the adverb for "opposite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an opposite way
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering with over weight issues due to lack of maintaining their fitness and neglecting their health.

One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
I would
probably
mention when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
issues is America. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the states are suffering from obesity. A survey conducted by New York Times in the year 2018 stated, the average weight of an American is around 75 kilograms and it increases about 0. 5 percent every five year term.
For example
, my friend from USA
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be around 55 kilograms in the 2011 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in 2019 he weighs around 75. I always suggest him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips to follow which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to stay fit all the time.

The main reason for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is their diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
regularly
have junk food which is oil rich and contains high amount of cholesterol leads to the cardiac arrest and various types of cancers.
For example
, my relative who
was born
in Saudi
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
proceed food and last year he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a sudden stroke and expired. Doctor's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the explanation of his death is due to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
shouldn't encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which offer junk. Along with that, they
strictly
need to implement the laws on the existing brand's. They should create fitness related ad-campaigns, marathons and include all the necessary exercises for the students in their school and college curriculum. Conducting fitness related competition's among them may
also
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mindset towards health.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whose average weight of a person increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
strictly
follow the diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and should exercise
regularly
. Respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
heads should
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
issues and should resolve from its root level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communications, such as letters, emails, or telephone calls. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 304

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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