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Talk about one way your personality has changed since you were a child. Use examples and details to explain your answer. v.1

Talk about one way your personality has changed since you were a child. Use examples and details to explain your answer. v. 1
In the complicated nowadays, cities seem to be quite over-populated and that has become a major problem in some countries. There are several reasons and solutions to tackle the problem. To begin, industrialization and modernization are the main causes of over-populated in cities. That is the more industrial zones, the more job opportunities have been created, which leads to a great deal of people from rural areas would migrate to metropolitan in order to seek for a better job. Some industrial zones such as A Sao, Tan Binh, and so on, which are located in Ho Chi Minh City, for example, allow thousands of labour to work and stay there. Another reason is that the birth rate in cities has increased in recent years. Thanks to the modernization, families who now have greater living conditions want to have more children. Some actions need to be taken to tackle the problem. Firstly, the government should publish a new law which enacted each family could only have at most 2 children. For example, the authorities in of China also enacted a similar law that allows families to have one child only and somewhat controlled the natural birth rate in its country. Secondly, the government should pay more attention to industrialization and modernization in rural areas to make it an ideal destination for the domestic labour market. Thus not only encouraging local people to work and stay in their hometown, but the development also attracts a great number of people who come to work there. In conclusion, there are still many reasons which cause overpopulation in big cities. As a result, the government should immediately take several actions to deal with the major issue.
In the complicated nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
seem to be quite over-populated and that has become a major problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. There are several reasons and solutions to tackle the problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, industrialization and modernization are the main causes of over-populated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
That is
the more industrial zones, the more job opportunities have
been created
, which leads to a great deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from rural areas would migrate to metropolitan in order to seek for a better job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
industrial zones such as A
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sao
, Tan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Binh
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which
are located
in Ho Chi Minh City,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
thousands of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
to work and stay there. Another reason is that the birth rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has increased in recent years. Thanks to the modernization, families who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have greater living conditions want to have more children.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
actions need to
be taken
to tackle the problem.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should publish a new law which enacted each family could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have at most 2 children.
For example
, the authorities in of China
also
enacted a similar law that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
families to have one child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and somewhat controlled the natural birth rate in its country.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay more attention to industrialization and modernization in rural areas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it an ideal destination for the domestic
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encouraging local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work and stay in their hometown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the development
also
attracts a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work there.

In conclusion
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which cause overpopulation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should immediately take several actions to deal with the major issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about one way your personality has changed since you were a child. Use examples and details to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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