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Tell me about your hometown. In what ways has your town or city changed since you were a child? How could your town or city be improved? Are there any traffic problems where you live? v.1

Tell me about your hometown. In what ways has your town or city changed since you were a child? How could your town or city be improved? Are there any traffic problems where you live? v. 1
In the modern world, many people do not keep an active lifestyle as they used to do in the past. This is because of the technology and shortage of sports facilities. This essay will show possible solutions to this problem. The main reason of not doing exercise is people have become addicted to the gadgets like mobile phones, tablets, laptops. They over use them, keep the sedentary lifestyle which leads to obesity, laziness or other diseases. For example, we can often see Many young and adult people playing computer games in play stations instead of having time outside. Another reason of not getting fit is a lack of sports facilities. Many gyms cost money and people do not want to spend their salary on it thinking that it is not so significant. They do not take it seriously. Consequently, citizens suffer from health problems. Thus, it makes us clear the main cause of this issue. Some possible solutions are undertaken to tackle the problems. Firstly, the government should be involved. Local authorities have to provide citizens with free sports clubs, establish every playgrounds and yards with sports equipments. By doing this, we can attract and interest people to do sport. Secondly, propaganda about healthy nation should be spread among the population. All educational, working places should give lectures about the healthy lifestyle. Consequently, people will keep more active lifestyle. In conclusion, today people have become lazy and do not do any activities compared to the past. If we paid attention to the mentioned solutions we could prevent this issue.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an active lifestyle as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the technology and shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
possible solutions to this problem.

The main reason of not doing exercise is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become addicted to the gadgets like mobile phones, tablets, laptops. They over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the sedentary lifestyle which leads to obesity, laziness or other diseases.
For example
, we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
see


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young and adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
playing computer games in play stations
instead
of having time outside. Another reason of not getting fit is a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
gyms cost money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to spend their salary on it thinking that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant. They do not take it
seriously
.
Consequently
, citizens suffer from health problems.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the main cause of this issue.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions are undertaken to tackle the problems.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be involved
. Local authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide citizens with free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs, establish every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "playground"?
playgrounds
and yards with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipments. By doing this, we can attract and interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Secondly
, propaganda about healthy nation should
be spread
among the population. All educational, working places should give lectures about the healthy lifestyle.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
more active lifestyle.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become lazy and do not do any activities compared to the past.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we paid attention to the mentioned solutions we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Tell me about your hometown. In what ways has your town or city changed since you were a child? How could your town or city be improved? Are there any traffic problems where you live? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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