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Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. v. 3
It is believed by several people that traditional form of healing such as herbal drug and acupuncture is more beneficial than the contemporary type of medication. In this essay, I agree that traditional medicine is beneficial. However, modern remedy provides great importance in our lives. To begin with, traditional medication mainly utilizes natural, organic and less chemicals as a means of remedy. For one thing, this form of panacea can be seen at the comforts of our own home, specifically, the garden or backyard, that is why it is considered as a fast and natural way for healing. Another fact to be considered is that, this treatment is not that expensive because it is mainly produced naturally without chemicals. For instance, these form of medication work effectively as per our forefathers, up to these days, it is still practiced. On the other hand, modern pharmaceutical is important for it help curb more advanced type of illness. Firstly, illness such as cancer are perceived to be untreatable in the past years, but with science and technology, Scientists meticulously researched and produced a drug for this certain type of ailment. Secondly, modern treatment also include high-tech machines, that help combat diseases that cannot be treated with medicine. For example, a world class hospital in Singapore is sought after because of its technological advances when it comes to treatment of diseases such as cancer and autoimmune diseases. They also make a fortune because of medical tourism. In conclusion, traditional medicine is a good remedy for it is all natural, organic and inexpensive. But we should also consider the importance of modern medicine because it aids us to treat more advanced diseases.
It
is believed
by several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
form of healing such as herbal drug and acupuncture is more beneficial than the contemporary type of medication. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is beneficial.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
remedy provides great importance in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
medication
mainly
utilizes natural, organic and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chemicals is countable.
less
chemicals as a means of remedy. For one thing, this form of panacea can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at the comforts of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home,
specifically
, the garden or backyard,
that is
why it
is considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and natural way for healing. Another fact to
be considered
is that, this treatment is not that expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
mainly
produced
naturally
without chemicals.
For instance
, these form of medication work
effectively
as per our forefathers, up to these days, it is
still
practiced.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
pharmaceutical is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
curb more advanced type of illness.
Firstly
, illness such as cancer
are perceived
to be untreatable in the past years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with science and technology, Scientists
meticulously
researched and produced a drug for this certain type of ailment.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
treatment
also
include high-tech machines, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that cannot
be treated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
.
For example
, a world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
hospital in Singapore
is sought
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its technological advances when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancer and autoimmune
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of medical tourism.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
remedy for it is all natural, organic and inexpensive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we should
also
consider the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it aids us to treat more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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