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Describe a gift you have received that was important to you. You should say - who gave it to you- on what occasion it was given to you- how you would describe it- and say why it is important to you v.1

Describe a gift you have received that was important to you. You should say - who gave it to you- on what occasion it was given to you- how you would describe it- and say why it is important to you v. 1
In recent days, many of us stay away from our hometown due to job. It has a list of pros and cons for human being. Let’s discuss about it in detail. The main benefit of moving out of home and living near to office area is to ensure ease access. For example, every day, if an individual needs to commute more hours by using different transportation, they can eliminate such difficulties by staying at a nearby company. In addition, people are workaholics, some of them does not even know when their work will get complete. In such a situation, it is very crucial and high risks travelling from one to another place. Though, this kind of work culture is not good for everyone, they are surviving it just to earn money. Apparently, it will keep us less stressed and allow us to concentrate more in our duty which is good for promotion and life. On the other side, this will separate us from our family, friends and the place where we have grown up. It might cause loneliness feel and has less contact with loved ones. If he or she is having any medical problem or an illness, then they have to take care of it. Therefore, at that time, they could extremely get disturbed emotionally. Probably, it will reflect on their duty performance as well. For instance, if a guy is working for more hours without having proper food and rest, literally, if nobody are there to tell the effect of it. Then, for sure, their physical and mental health will get disturbed. Furthermore, you can avoid this, if you have regular touch with people you love. I believe that, it is very difficult to change job culture because our responsibilities will get added which will make us to sit more hours at the offices. So, we have to segregate our time to live along with children. Since, it has equal weights of advantages and drawbacks, it depends on every individual, how they are proceeding it.
In recent days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us stay away from our hometown due to job. It has a list of pros and cons for human being.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in detail.

The main benefit of moving out of home and living near to office area is to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
access.
For example
, every day, if an individual needs to commute more hours by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
transportation, they can eliminate such difficulties by staying at a nearby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are workaholics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them does not even know when their work will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
complete. In such a situation, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial and high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
travelling from one to another place. Though, this kind of work culture is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for everyone, they are surviving it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to earn money.
Apparently
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to concentrate more in our duty which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for promotion and life.

On the other side, this will separate us from our family, friends and the place where we have grown up. It might cause loneliness feel and has less contact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. If he or she is having any medical problem or an illness, then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of it.
Therefore
, at that time, they could
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed
emotionally
.
Probably
, it will reflect on their duty performance
as well
.
For instance
, if a guy is working for more hours without having proper food and rest,
literally
, if nobody
The pronoun 'nobody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the effect of it. Then, for sure, their physical and mental health will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed.
Furthermore
, you can avoid this, if you have regular touch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

I believe that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
job culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our responsibilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us to sit more hours at the offices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
segregate our time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
along with children. Since, it has equal weights of advantages and drawbacks, it depends on every individual, how they are proceeding it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a gift you have received that was important to you. You should say - who gave it to you- on what occasion it was given to you- how you would describe it- and say why it is important to you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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