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Talk about the happiest moment you had recently. Please say- What was the situation? - With whom did you share this moment? - Where and how did it happen? v.1

Talk about the happiest moment you had recently. Please say- What was the situation? - With whom did you share this moment? - Where and how did it happen? v. 1
It is sometimes argued that the environment is destroyed by various factors and the responsibility to protect the environment should fall upon politicians, not individuals. I believe that both the government and individuals are equally important and they bring a great deal of benefits to the environment. On the one hand, the government plays a vital role in environmental protection. The planet's temperature is rising, and it affects our lives. Because of this serious problem; thus, only the government can prevent this problem. For instance, politicians construct dams to prevent floods. Moreover, the government needs to impose new laws against actions that support deforestation. High-ranking bureaucrats should enforce strict punishments, such as long-term imprisonment and heavy fines. In addition, stricter punishments should be imposed to increase human awareness of improving polluted environment. On the one hand, individuals also make a significant contribution to protecting the environment. Everyone is becoming aware of protecting the environment because poor air quality will have a detrimental effect on human health. For instance, Vietnam is one of the nations that uses a large number of plastic products, such as bottles and bags; therefore, people should shift towards using environmentally friendly products. Furthermore, people have to comply with government regulation of protecting the environment. Additionally, the problem of protecting the environment has been tackled in many places thanks to the effort of ordinary people. In conclusion, both the government and individuals are equally vital to environmental protection. The efforts and cooperation of individuals and the government will help the environment to be cleaner, thus ensures human health.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by various factors and the responsibility to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
should fall upon politicians, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are
equally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
they bring a great deal of benefits to the environment.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a vital role in environmental protection. The planet's temperature is rising, and it affects our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Because of this
serious problem;
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem.
For instance
, politicians construct dams to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
floods.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to impose new laws against actions that support deforestation. High-ranking bureaucrats should enforce strict punishments, such as long-term imprisonment and heavy fines.
In addition
, stricter punishments should
be imposed
to increase human awareness of improving polluted environment.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Everyone is becoming aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
poor air quality will have a detrimental effect on human health.
For instance
, Vietnam is one of the nations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
plastic products, such as bottles and bags;
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should shift towards using
environmentally
friendly products.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
comply with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
regulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Additionally
, the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
has
been tackled
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places thanks to the effort of ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are
equally
vital to environmental protection. The efforts and cooperation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
to be cleaner,
thus
ensures human health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Talk about the happiest moment you had recently. Please say- What was the situation? - With whom did you share this moment? - Where and how did it happen? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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