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Talk about an important festival or national holiday in your country. You should say: • when it is celebrated. • how it is held. • if it symbolizes something. • and explain why it is so special to you. v.1

Talk about an important festival or national holiday in your country. You should say: • when it is celebrated. • how it is held. • if it symbolizes something. • and explain why it is so special to you. v. 1
The importance and popularity of family time have deteriorated during the stage of life in young adult. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated what are the actual reasons behind this case and whether lately teenagers should be forced to spend more time with family or not. Both sides of this issue will be examined in the following essay. On the one hand, there are three possible causes that family time has been spent less during the lately adolescence. The most important one is making a business connection. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that people could run a business or do job smoother if they have a good relationship with their partners. Consistent this line of thinking is exciting new environment or culture. The best example for this is that when it was the first day at primary or secondary school, everyone would meet the new friends, new teachers or even new rules. Therefore, they might need certain of time for adaptation. Last but not least, it is the fact that it is merely one stage of life. For instance, when you were a child, you spend most of the time with your parents, then when you were early or lately teenagers, you would spend most of the time with your friends. On the other hand, although there are ample reasons why this change has occurred, personally i believe that lately adolescence should not be forced. First and the foremost, everyone has their own life, hence, they have the right to make their own decision. Another point that should be taken into consideration is time management. Due to the fact that work is as important as relationship, as a result, work life balance might be the best solution. To conclude from the aforementioned arguments, I personally believe that the trend of time being spent on family is still reduced over time. However, I strongly recommend that both work and love are important, so people should balance your working time and family time.
The importance and popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
have deteriorated during the stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in young adult. Experts throughout developing and developed worlds have debated what are the actual reasons behind this case and whether lately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
be forced
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or not. Both sides of this issue will
be examined
in the following essay.

On the one hand, there are three possible causes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has
been spent
less during the lately adolescence. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is making a business connection. An extensive study by renowned university has illustrated that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could run a business or do job smoother if they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with their partners. Consistent this line of thinking is exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment or culture. The best example for this is that when it was the
first
day at primary or secondary school, everyone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
teachers or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Therefore
, they might need certain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for adaptation. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is the fact that it is
merely
one stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, when you were a child, you spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your parents, then when you were early or lately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, you would spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your friends.

On the other hand
, although there are ample reasons why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has occurred,
personally
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that lately adolescence should not
be forced
.
First
and the foremost, everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
hence
, they have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision. Another point that should
be taken
into consideration is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. Due to the fact that work is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as relationship,
as a result
, work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance might be the best solution.

To conclude
from the aforementioned arguments, I
personally
believe that the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, I
strongly
recommend that both work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should balance your working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important festival or national holiday in your country. You should say: • when it is celebrated. • how it is held. • if it symbolizes something. • and explain why it is so special to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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