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The computer department is considering a scheduling change. Explain the man's opinion of the change and the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

The computer department is considering a scheduling change. Explain the man's opinion of the change and the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
It is widely concerned that in certain countries, the obesity problem of residents is escalating, and subsequently, their health and fitness status either physically or mentally are reducing. Although the major reasons behind this issue are sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet plan, and less interest in exercise, these situations could be resolved by making routine schedules and follow a healthy diet chart. Indeed, in this day and age, in many countries, people's weight is increasing owing to their working conditions. They just eat whatever is available to them without knowing nutritional facts. In Canada, for instance, citizens have to work for long hours to cope with their daily living expenses, which would not able them to eat home-cooked food that resulting in worse health problems. Moreover, people do not aware of their calorie consumption, and unfavourable attitude towards exercise make them unhealthy and unfit. Also, they prefer to consume pre-cooked food, which is not safe to eat as these include preservatives and other chemicals. Thus, people are getting obese due to unfamiliar diet plans and less awareness of the benefit of exercise. However, people could make daily life schedules to curb the problem of obesity. It helps individuals to spend some time on doing exercise for their body and mind's health. In fact, follow a diet according to health chart would not only beneficial to reduce fat from the body but also encourage them to be fitted. For this, a person could consume food that has enriched with nutrients and minerals such as green vegetables and meat products. They can also follow a healthy chart prescribed by their dietitian. In India, for example, owing to fit India movement, nutritionists aware people about perilous health issues by eating junk food and encourage them to have a balanced diet. Hence, taking these precautionary steps to help all age group people to get back to their normal health. In conclusion, a large number of people are suffering from increasing weight problems due to their working conditions, bad eating habits, and not indulging exercise habits in their daily life. Whereas, by following a healthy diet and exercise would certainly show some affirmative result in the public's health conditions.
It is
widely
concerned that in certain countries, the obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of residents is escalating, and
subsequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness status either
physically
or mentally are reducing. Although the major reasons behind this issue are sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet plan, and less interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, these situations could
be resolved
by making routine schedules and follow a healthy diet chart.

Indeed
, in this day and age, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's weight is increasing owing to their working conditions. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
eat whatever is available to them without knowing nutritional facts. In Canada,
for instance
, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for long hours to cope with their daily living expenses, which would not able them to eat home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that resulting in worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not aware of their calorie consumption, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them unhealthy and unfit.
Also
, they prefer to consume
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which is not safe to eat as these include preservatives and other chemicals.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting obese due to unfamiliar diet plans and less awareness of the benefit of exercise.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
daily life schedules to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for their body and mind's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In fact, follow a diet according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
chart would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
from the body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage them to
be fitted
. For this, a person could consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that has enriched with nutrients and minerals such as green vegetables and meat products. They can
also
follow a healthy chart prescribed by their dietitian. In India,
for example
, owing to fit India movement, nutritionists aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about perilous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues by eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and encourage them to have a balanced diet.
Hence
, taking these precautionary steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their normal health.

In conclusion
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from increasing weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
due to their working conditions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits, and not indulging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
habits in their daily life. Whereas, by following a healthy diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
would
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
affirmative result in the public's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The computer department is considering a scheduling change. Explain the man's opinion of the change and the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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