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Describe a public holiday celebrated in your country. When it is celebrated? Why it is celebrated? What people do on that day? What you do on that day? v.1

Describe a public holiday celebrated in your country. When it is celebrated? Why it is celebrated? What people do on that day? What you do on that day? v. 1
Nowadays, with the development of technology, Internet-connected computers have been utilized in many schools. However, whether studying with such hi-tech devices or studying in traditional ways will actually be effective has caused heated debate. My view is that traditional education will be efficient methods for children. It is obvious that students can only absorb the lessons more thoroughly and effectively when in schools and with teachers. First of all, for most students, the advantage of classroom-based learning is to obtain the necessary knowledge which will enable them to enhance analysing skills and problem-solving ability. This means that most of the children, after attending a school, can be communicated with teachers, who will share his or her wisdom and expertise and will encourage offspring to think critically and independently. Moreover, traditional learning provides expensive equipment and provides practical experiences for students. For example, they can be allowed to access to chemical and laboratory needed to do experiments that online studying are limited by the technology. Therefore, it is important for children to learn at schools in order to promote themselves physical, intellectual and emotional development. This is not to say, however, that we should neglect the positive impact of remote learning. For instance, students who live in rural areas without roads or funds to pay for tuition to enrol a school far away, an internet connection solves this. There are, of course, internet also is great sources of information for learners to gain their knowledge of various aspects. But still, studying at school with teachers is more effective for most children. In conclusion, traditional education is the best approach for learner, helping them achieve life values. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the other important roles of studying online is undertaking.
Nowadays, with the development of technology, Internet-connected computers have
been utilized
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
with such hi-tech devices or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
ways will actually be effective has caused heated debate. My view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
education will be efficient methods for children.

It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
absorb the lessons more
thoroughly
and
effectively
when in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and with teachers.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the advantage of classroom-based learning is to obtain the necessary knowledge which will enable them to enhance
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and problem-solving ability. This means that most of the children, after attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, can
be communicated
with teachers, who will share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
wisdom and expertise and will encourage offspring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
and
independently
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
learning provides expensive equipment and provides practical experiences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to access to chemical and laboratory needed to do experiments that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
are limited
by the technology.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children to learn at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to promote themselves physical, intellectual and emotional development.

This is not to say,
however
, that we should neglect the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of remote learning.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural areas without roads or funds to pay for tuition to enrol a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
far away, an internet connection solves this. There are,
of course
, internet
also
is great sources of information for learners to gain their knowledge of various aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with teachers is more effective for most children.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
education is the best approach for learner, helping them achieve life values. Meanwhile, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
online is undertaking.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Describe a public holiday celebrated in your country. When it is celebrated? Why it is celebrated? What people do on that day? What you do on that day? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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