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Talk about a time when you worked with other people to achieve a goal. How did you work with other people? What goal did you achieve? v.1

Talk about a time when you worked with other people to achieve a goal. How did you work with other people? What goal did you achieve? v. 1
According to some people in the modern life provides us with an overwhelming number of options. I completely agree with that point because I believe the era of the internet and globalization has given us an incredible amount of alternatives and this is both good and bad. On the one hand, it has made products available at cheap rates; on the other hand, it leads to impulse buying. It is undeniable that the World Wide Web has led to the dramatic availability of data and different services. Before the Internet information was a precious resource and people made efforts to gain it through books and education, whereas currently we are rather forced to filter its stream so as not to get burdened by it. For example, earlier people used television with a limited choice of channels for entertainment while today we are able to watch whatever we like on demand and often for free. Alongside the influence of the internet, technical advance and globalization have eliminated barriers in international trade and transportation. The wide choice of foreign food products and other goods has made people extremely consumerist and seeking the meaning of life in their new purchases. The availability of choices can also overwhelm people and may even lead to the purchase of the wrong product or service. In conclusion, we are faced with a huge number of options in most areas of our life and they sometimes mislead us and make our choice too difficult. In order to avoid these disadvantages we should learn to recognize our real needs and values and make a right choice from the diverse options available.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the modern life provides us with an overwhelming number of options. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe the era of the internet and globalization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us an incredible amount of alternatives and this is both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. On the one hand, it has made products available at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rates;
on the other hand
, it leads to impulse buying.

It is undeniable that the World Wide Web has led to the dramatic availability of data and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the Internet information was a precious resource and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
made efforts to gain it through books and education, whereas
currently
we are
rather
forced to filter its stream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
burdened by it.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
television with a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of channels for entertainment while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
whatever we like on demand and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
for free.

Alongside the influence of the internet, technical advance and globalization have eliminated barriers in international trade and transportation. The wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of foreign food products and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
extremely
consumerist and seeking the meaning of life in their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
. The availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
can
also
overwhelm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and may even lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
product or service.

In conclusion
, we
are faced
with a huge number of options in most areas of our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
mislead us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
too difficult. In order to avoid these disadvantages we should learn to recognize our real needs and values and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
from the diverse options available.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a time when you worked with other people to achieve a goal. How did you work with other people? What goal did you achieve? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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