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Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v.1

Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v. 1
For some students staying on campus represent their lifestyle. It signifies who they are. Many people think that staying in college campus is superior to living with their parents. There are several advantages of having parental support during the new phase. For many students, college life may present difficult social situations such as peer pressure, bullying and addiction to drinking and smoking. Students staying at home can share the new experience with their parents and can take help in dealing with people from different races and religions. For example, one of my friends who is very introvert, struggled in the initial years of college to make new friends. It was frustrating for him unless he discussed this issue with his parents. For those staying on campus, this phase of their life offers a very unique experience. Students staying on campus, learn to think for themselves and can take decisions quickly. People who learn to manage their personal finances, time, work and relationships very early have a distinct advantage over those who have relied on parental support. For example, I stayed away from home during my higher education and then I moved to a totally different city for work. The experience of staying independently and responsibly has helped me easily settle in a new city and also perform well at work. Of course, a person may make wrong choices during campus life and face long lasting consequences. However, I have seen so many people who are irresponsible in their teens turning out to be well matured and successful in their careers when staying away from the house. In conclusion, living far from home during does make a person a better individual.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
represent their lifestyle. It signifies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
is superior to living with their parents.

There are several advantages of having parental support during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
phase. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, college life may present difficult social situations such as peer pressure, bullying and addiction to drinking and smoking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
at home can share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience with their parents and can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
races and religions.
For example
, one of my friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
introvert, struggled in the initial years of college to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends. It was frustrating for him unless he discussed this issue with his parents.

For those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
, this phase of their life offers a
Consider using "unique".
very unique
experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
, learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for themselves and can take decisions
quickly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learn to manage their personal finances, time, work and relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early have a distinct advantage over those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have relied on parental support.
For example
, I stayed away from home during my higher education and then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city for work. The experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
independently
and
responsibly
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
easily
settle in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city and
also
perform well at work.

Of course
, a person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
life and face
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
consequences.
However
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are irresponsible in their teens turning out to be well matured and successful in their careers when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

In conclusion
, living far from home during does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person a better individual.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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