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Everyone has a goal to fulfill. What’s your goal and explain why you want tofulfill this goal. Please include specific examples and details in yourexplanation v.3

Everyone has a goal to fulfill. What’s your goal and explain why you want tofulfill this goal. Please include specific examples and details in yourexplanation v. 3
In this contemporary world, construction of the zoos has become quite common. While some individuals believe that there is no need for such places. I personally agree with the given statement. This essay will discuss the supporting arguments to support my opinion. To begin with, there is no doubt that these places provide a confined area for all the caged animals instead of their large natural habitat. As a result, these animals develop unhealthy habits such as roaming side by side, sitting at a particular place. For instance, lion and tiger who generally can roam anywhere in the forests and can cover distances of several kilometres, but are forced to live in the congested areas in a zoo. In short, zoos must be closed as these places steal the independence of the wild creatures. Another fact is that while living in certain places, animals may get prone to a variety of diseases. This is because hundreds of creatures live together from various climatic conditions in these man made environment. To cite an example, the Asian elephants fell ill as a result of catch of disease from the African elephants in an African zoo. To recapitulate, it is a wise idea to abandon the existence of zoos in order to prevent our wildlife from further epidemics. In conclusion, a vast majority of people favour the abolition of wildlife conserve in the modern era. I, however, opine that they are right in thinking so because such synthetic atmospheres are only curbing the independent nature of our wild creatures and are further making them predators to the dangerous diseases.
In this contemporary world, construction of the zoos has become quite common. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that there is no need for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. This essay will discuss the supporting arguments to support my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provide a confined area for all the caged animals
instead
of their large natural habitat.
As a result
, these animals develop unhealthy habits such as roaming side by side, sitting at a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For instance
, lion and tiger who
generally
can roam anywhere in the forests and can cover distances of several
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the congested areas in a zoo. In short, zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be closed
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
steal the independence of the wild creatures.

Another fact is that while living in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, animals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prone to a variety of diseases. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hundreds of creatures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together from various climatic conditions in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made environment. To cite an example, the Asian elephants fell ill
as a result
of catch of disease from the African elephants in an African zoo. To recapitulate, it is a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to abandon the existence of zoos in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
our wildlife from
further
epidemics.

In conclusion
, a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the abolition of wildlife conserve in the modern era. I,
however
, opine that they are right in thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such synthetic atmospheres are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
curbing the independent nature of our wild creatures and are
further
making them predators to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Everyone has a goal to fulfill. What’s your goal and explain why you want tofulfill this goal. Please include specific examples and details in yourexplanation v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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