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Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic There are many different types of music in the world today Why do we need music Is the traditional music of a country more important than the Inte v.2

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic There are many different types of music in the world today Why do we need music Is the traditional music of a country more important than the Inte v. 2
With the dawn of the 21st century, the living expenses and lifestyle have increased tremendously where more people are living the luxury lifestyle while some struggle to pay for daily expenses. Everyone has different problems such as unsatisfactory job, shortage of money and others. People are unsatisfied in their jobs because they expect more such as higher salary while wanting to work comfortably, following the pattern of 9 am-5 pm working hours. As living expenses have risen, some people that live in poverty do not have sufficient money to get through the day. Is it better for people to accept these bad situations or should they work harder to improve their situation? Let's find out! Personally, I think it is better for people to try and improve their situation because I strongly believe that you get what you work hard for. If people stop complaining about everything and try to think of different solutions to solve their situation or problem, they will less likely to meet a difficult situation. Besides that, if they face the problem of having an unsatisfactory job, they could try to apply for a different job position in another company. Instead of complaining and not try their best in their workplace which could lead to a reduction in their salaries, they will not face the situation of lack of money. On the other hand, accepting a bad situation might not be as bad as it seems to be. Some people are lazy and they would rather just accept the situation and move on from there. In some ways, they are able to save their time and energy as they could just maintain the same position rather than spending time to apply for a different job or find alternative ways to get more money. In conclusion, I think people should try to improve their situations instead of sitting back and relax. The outcome is that people that will improve will be able to have a better lifestyle and will not face any other different problems.
With the dawn of the 21st century, the living expenses and lifestyle have increased
tremendously
where more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living the luxury lifestyle while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
struggle to pay for daily expenses. Everyone has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, shortage of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are unsatisfied
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
more such as higher salary while wanting to work
comfortably
, following the pattern of 9 am-5 pm working hours. As living expenses have risen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty do not have sufficient money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through the day. Is it better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accept these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
or should they work harder to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's find out!

Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
strongly
believe that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what you work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
complaining about everything and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
solutions to solve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, they will less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
Besides
that, if they face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of having an unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they could try to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position in another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Instead
of complaining and not try their best in their workplace which could lead to a reduction in their salaries, they will not face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of lack of money.

On the other hand
, accepting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
might not be as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as it seems to be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lazy and
they would
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on from there. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, they are able to save their time and energy as they could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
maintain the same position
rather
than spending time to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or find alternative ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
instead
of sitting back and relax. The outcome is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
will be able to have a better lifestyle and will not face any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic There are many different types of music in the world today Why do we need music Is the traditional music of a country more important than the Inte v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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