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Government investment in art such as music and theater is a waste of money. The government should invest this money in public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government investment in art such as music and theater is a waste of money. The government should invest this money in public services. v. 1
According to the statistics, girls and boys make different choices about their studies. Females tend to prefer arts instead males choose scientific subjects. I think there are many reasons to explain this trend, to give an example still in many areas around the world some jobs, like an engineer or scientist are considered men's jobs. In my opinion is important understand reasons behind these choices. This trend should change if it doesn't represent the real interest of students. The most significant thing is encouraging boys and girls to study what they really like. Males and females prefer to study different things in agreement to the studies. These choices depend on the future job. In many countries, there still is a separation between females and males careers. A girl chooses art because knows that in the future probably she will not work because in many countries earning money is the man's task and art not ensure a certain career. Someone could link these preferences to psychologists aspects, but I think that is a division made on gender stereotypes that are incorrect and not consider the real personality. This trend should be analysed. Is important to understand what push girls and boys to certain choices. Is important answer to both of gender same possibilities for the future. Teachers have to show to students all courses they have. To conclude, boys and girls study different things for many reasons, but, especially in poorer countries, the choice is closely connected with the future job. In my opinion, this tendency has to be accurately analysed and if it doesn't represent true inclinations and desires have to change.
According to the statistics,
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girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Females tend to prefer arts
instead
males choose scientific subjects. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this trend, to give an example
still
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, like an engineer or scientist
are considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In my opinion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
understand reasons behind these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. This trend should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
if it doesn't represent the real interest of students. The most significant thing is encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
what they
really
like.

Males and females prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things in agreement to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. These
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choices
depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there
still
is a separation between females and males careers. A
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girl
chooses art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
knows that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
probably
she will not work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries earning money is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's task and art not ensure a certain career.

Someone could link these preferences to psychologists aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
a division made on gender stereotypes that are incorrect and not consider the real personality. This trend should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
. Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand what push
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girls
and
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boys
to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
. Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
answer to both of gender same possibilities for the
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future
. Teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to students all courses they have.

To conclude
,
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boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
especially
in poorer countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
is
closely
connected with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, this tendency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
accurately
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
and if it doesn't represent true inclinations and desires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in art such as music and theater is a waste of money. The government should invest this money in public services. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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