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Talk about a particular goal you have had in your life and what you have done to meet this goal. Use details and examples in your response. v.1

Talk about a particular goal you have had in your life and what you have done to meet this goal. Use details and examples in your response. v. 1
It is argued that the number of individuals that visit art museums is decreasing in some nations. This essay will discuss the causes of this decline and will explore some solutions to this issue. One of the reasons for the reduction in the influx of people into art exhibitions is lack of interest. These days, owing to the abundance of entertainment options, most people, especially the younger generation, find places like the cinemas or amusement parks more enticing to go to as opposed to art galleries. For example, a survey done in Lagos, Nigeria, showed that only 3% of teenagers visit fine arts museums. Another point to consider is that the availability of the internet contributes to this decrement. Everybody has access to the internet and many art collections are showcased and even sold online. Consequently, people are unmotivated to leave their comfort zones to enjoy the pleasures of an arts centre. For example, in June 2019, the painting by Ice Nweke in Nigeria was showcased and auctioned on Instagram and he recorded his best sales yet. A way to solve this problem is for the qovernment to organize festivals that include art exhibitions. A festival is an event where many people from far and near come together to celebrate culture. Having people exhibit their art on such large scale will create an avenue for people's interest to be rekindled, therebyincreasing the turn out of people into the art studios. The Calabar carnival held every year in Nigeria is a major example, where diverse forms of arts are available for people's consumption. As a result of this event, there has been a 25% increase in the number of people that walked into the art studios from May to August, 2019. Another helpful step is for schools to organize excursions to Museums of fine arts. Taking the students to these places would trigger an appreciation for art and culture, which can go a long way to create a habit of frequent visits to these places. For instance, in Ghana, most schools organize adventurous outings to art museums and this has increased the number of patronage of this places by 17%. In conclusion, no interest and the presence of the internet are major reasons why people are visiting art galleries less. Having festivals with art exhibition shows and school excursions are ways that we can solve this dilemma.
It
is argued
that the number of individuals that visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is decreasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. This essay will discuss the causes of this decline and will explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this issue.

One of the reasons for the reduction in the influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions is lack of interest. These days, owing to the abundance of entertainment options, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the younger generation, find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like the cinemas or amusement parks more enticing to go to as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.
For example
, a survey done in Lagos, Nigeria,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
visit fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Another point to consider is that the availability of the internet contributes to this decrement. Everybody has access to the internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
collections
are showcased
and even sold online.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unmotivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their comfort zones to enjoy the pleasures of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
For example
, in June 2019, the painting by Ice
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nweke
in Nigeria
was showcased
and auctioned on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Instagram and
he recorded his best sales
yet
.

A way to solve this problem is for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
qovernment
to organize festivals that include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions. A festival is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from far and near
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to celebrate culture. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exhibit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
on such large scale will create an avenue for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest to
be rekindled
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
therebyincreasing
the turn out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studios. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Calabar
carnival held every year in Nigeria is a major example, where diverse forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's consumption.
As a result
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, there has been a 25% increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that walked into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studios from May to
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "August 2019".
August, 2019
. Another helpful step is for schools to organize excursions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
of fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Taking the students to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
would trigger an appreciation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture, which can go a long way to create a habit of frequent visits to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
For instance
, in Ghana, most schools organize adventurous outings to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and this has increased the number of patronage of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
by 17%.

In conclusion
, no interest and the presence of the internet are major reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries less. Having festivals with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and school excursions are ways that we can solve this dilemma.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Talk about a particular goal you have had in your life and what you have done to meet this goal. Use details and examples in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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