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Talk about a house/apartment that you have visited recently and liked. Please say- Whose house/apartment was it? - Where is it located? - Why did you like it so much? v.1

Talk about a house/apartment that you have visited recently and liked. Please say- Whose house/apartment was it? - Where is it located? - Why did you like it so much? v. 1
Advertisements are a way to reach the consumers. Many companies offer funds to sports teams in order to advertise themselves. Few members opine that it is a good way while others have a perception that it has some disadvantages. I will discuss both my views and explain my reasons in the following passage. On one hand, companies do a sponsor for sports, many events and also for different programs. This helps them to increase their annual income also about their gradual success. At first, this will be a good platform for them to announce about their new type of products they develop and release. At the same time, if the companies release more funds compared to the authorities, people also show much interest to watch the games. However, sponsoring for sports by industry also helps to encourage new sportsmen. Basically, people show their interest on different products by watching related advertisements. On the other hand, advertising also has some disadvantages. If the product is not with good quality even though it gets advertised by sponsoring to an event. Indirectly, it spoils the nature and society because of advertising a bad product which has negative impacts on human and society. For example, we see frequently the sponsors of the brand kingfisher. It releases the products like liquor and wine. While, this has much effect on the health and the community. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that advertising has its own profits to a company with respect to increasing their profits. Accordingly, one should not neglect the effects caused by advertising about the companies which have side effects on human health.
Advertisements are a way to reach the consumers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
offer funds to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "sport".
sports
teams in order to advertise themselves. Few members opine that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way while others have a perception that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. I will discuss both my views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in the following passage.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do a sponsor for sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
also
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to increase their annual income
also
about their gradual success. At
first
, this will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
platform for them to announce about their new type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they develop and release. At the same time, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
release more funds compared to the authorities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the games.
However
, sponsoring for sports by industry
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to encourage new sportsmen.
Basically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by watching related advertisements.

On the other hand
, advertising
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is not with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality
even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
advertised by sponsoring to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Indirectly
, it spoils the nature and society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advertising a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on human and society.
For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
frequently
the sponsors of the brand kingfisher. It releases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like liquor and wine. While, this has much effect on the health and the community.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that advertising has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profits to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with respect to increasing their profits.
Accordingly
, one should not neglect the effects caused by advertising about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which have side effects on human health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Talk about a house/apartment that you have visited recently and liked. Please say- Whose house/apartment was it? - Where is it located? - Why did you like it so much? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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