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Talk about a form of leisure (for example, reading, sports, or movies) that you probably wouldn't enjoy doing. Use reasons and examples to support your response v.1

Talk about a form of leisure (for example, reading, sports, or movies) that you probably wouldn't enjoy doing. Use reasons and examples to support your response v. 1
Health, they say, is wealth. Some people have suggested that the health of the public would be best achieved by creating more sport facilities, while others do not agree. They believe other steps need to be taken beyond providing more facilities. This essay will discuss both sides of this debate. I believe that, in as much as the presence of sporting arenas are essential, other factors still need to be considered. To begin, sport participation has been found to improve fitness. An increase in the facilities available for this would likely enhance public participation. In addition, with the recent rise in mental health issues, the centres can serve as places for socialization, such that not only physical health is improved but also mental health. A study done at Cambridge university has found that exercise and physical activity is the safest mode of prevention for over 90% of noncommunicable diseases worldwide. Although, developing more arenas is advocated, community involvement is key. Some people think health is not improved by just increasing the number of infrastructure. That this, in fact, has minimal outcome on the society's wellbeing. Health is not only maintained by exercise, other measures such as improving food production and dietary habits play a major role too. If all a person does is exercise without a good diet, for instance, such an individual would lack basic nutrients for the body to mount proper immune responses. Even though, the importance of providing more centers cannot be overlooked, other modes should still be explored. To conclude, while some may argue that more sports facilities are the best way to better the community's wellbeing, others believe this has little implications. I think good health is only attainable when there is a balance in the provision of basic amenities such as good food, shelter, water supply amongst others. Provision of tariffs and subsidies on these by the government comes highly recommended.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
, they say, is wealth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have suggested that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the public would be best achieved by creating more sport facilities, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. They believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
steps need to
be taken
beyond providing more facilities. This essay will discuss both sides of this debate. I believe that, in as much as the presence of sporting arenas are essential,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
still
need to
be considered
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, sport participation has
been found
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
fitness. An increase in the facilities available for this would likely enhance public participation.
In addition
, with the recent rise in mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can serve as places for socialization, such that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. A study done at Cambridge university has found that exercise and physical activity is the safest mode of prevention for over 90% of noncommunicable diseases worldwide. Although, developing more arenas
is advocated
, community involvement is key.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increasing the number of infrastructure. That this, in fact, has minimal outcome on the society's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
maintained by exercise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such as improving food production and dietary habits play a major role too. If all a person does is exercise without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet,
for instance
, such an individual would lack basic nutrients for the body to mount proper immune responses.
Even though
, the importance of providing more centers cannot
be overlooked
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
modes should
still
be explored
.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that more sports facilities are the best way to better the community's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, others believe this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
implications. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attainable when there is a balance in the provision of basic amenities such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
food, shelter, water supply amongst others. Provision of tariffs and subsidies on these by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
highly
recommended.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a form of leisure (for example, reading, sports, or movies) that you probably wouldn't enjoy doing. Use reasons and examples to support your response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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