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q3 The students discuss admission as an engineering major. State what the policy admission is and how one of the student was confused. v.1

q3 The students discuss admission as an engineering major. State what the policy admission is and how one of the student was confused. v. 1
IT IS BELIEVED THAT MUSIC IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO DEVELOP HARMONY AMONG HUMANS. HOWEVER, IN MY OPINION, I THINK THAT IN ADDITION TO MUSIC DEVELOPMENT IN TRANSPORT AND COMMUNICATION ALSO AIDS IN BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER FROM VARIOUS CULTURAL BACKGROUNDS AND FROM DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS. FIRSTLY, MUSIC IS ATTRACTIVE AND RELAXING TO ALL INDIVIDUALS. IF WE LISTEN TO THE BEATS OF MUSIC WE ATTEMPT TO LISTEN TO THE BEATS OF MUSIC OR TRY TO IMITATE THE LYRICS THUS WE FEEL RELAXED AND REFRESHED. MOREOVER, SOME TRADITIONAL MUSIC IS INTERNATIONALLY ACCEPTED AND IF IT PLAYED WIDELY IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES, WHICH ALLOW THE EXCHANGE OF CULTURE AND TRADITIONS. FOR INSTANCE, FAMOUS MOVIE SONG NAMED JAIHO WRITTEN BY A. R. RAHMAN, IS WIDELY KNOWN BY ALMOST ALL NATIONALITIES AND THEY WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE SONG WHERE THE LOCAL INDIAN VILLAGES ARE PORTRAYED. ON THE CONTRARY, TRANSPORT AIDED IN BETTER TRADE IN WHICH PEOPLE TRAVELLED TO DIFFERENT DESTINATIONS AND SIMULTANEOUSLY PEOPLE BECOME CLOSER AND CULTURAL TIES ARE LESS. THIS ENCOURAGES PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURAL BACKGROUND TO COME CLOSER FOR STRONG RELATIONSHIPS. FURTHERMORE, COMMUNICATION PLAYS A VITAL ROLE IN THE HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT CULTURES AND AGES. WITH THE HELP OF GLOBAL LANGUAGE THE COMMUNICATION IS EASIER AND EXCHANGE OF IDEAS AND UNDERSTANDING ARE FASTER. NOW PEOPLE CAN TRAVEL TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD NO BARRIERS IN LANGUAGE DUE TO THE TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS. FOR INSTANCE MOBILE PHONES AND SOCIAL CHATTING SITES ETC. TO SUM UP EVENTHOUGH MUSIC IS CONSIDERED AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER, WITH ADVANCED TRANSPORT AND COMMUNICATION FACILITIES THE WORLD IS BECOMING CLOSER AND CULTURAL AND OTHER BARRIERS ARE REDUCING ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.
IT
IS BELIEVED
THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO DEVELOP HARMONY AMONG HUMANS.
HOWEVER
, IN MY OPINION, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT
IN ADDITION
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
DEVELOPMENT IN TRANSPORT AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMMUNICATION
ALSO
AIDS IN BRINGING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TOGETHER FROM VARIOUS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CULTURAL
BACKGROUNDS AND FROM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
AGE GROUPS.

FIRSTLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
IS ATTRACTIVE AND RELAXING TO ALL INDIVIDUALS. IF WE LISTEN TO THE BEATS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
WE ATTEMPT TO LISTEN TO THE BEATS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
OR TRY TO IMITATE THE LYRICS
THUS
WE FEEL RELAXED AND REFRESHED.
MOREOVER
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TRADITIONAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
IS
INTERNATIONALLY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ACCEPTED
AND IF IT PLAYED
WIDELY
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
COUNTRIES, WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
THE EXCHANGE OF CULTURE AND TRADITIONS.
FOR INSTANCE
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAMOUS
MOVIE SONG NAMED
Possible spelling mistake found.
JAIHO
WRITTEN BY A. R. RAHMAN, IS
WIDELY
KNOWN BY ALMOST ALL NATIONALITIES AND THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
WATCH
THE VIDEO OF THE SONG WHERE THE LOCAL INDIAN VILLAGES
ARE PORTRAYED
.

ON THE CONTRARY
, TRANSPORT AIDED IN BETTER TRADE IN WHICH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TRAVELLED TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
DESTINATIONS AND
SIMULTANEOUSLY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
BECOME CLOSER AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CULTURAL
TIES ARE LESS. THIS ENCOURAGES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CULTURAL
BACKGROUND TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COME
CLOSER FOR STRONG RELATIONSHIPS.

FURTHERMORE
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMMUNICATION
PLAYS A VITAL ROLE IN THE HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
CULTURES AND AGES. WITH THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
OF GLOBAL LANGUAGE THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMMUNICATION
IS EASIER AND EXCHANGE OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEAS
AND UNDERSTANDING ARE FASTER.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN TRAVEL TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DIFFERENT
PARTS OF THE WORLD NO BARRIERS IN LANGUAGE DUE TO THE TECHNOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENTS.
FOR INSTANCE
MOBILE PHONES AND SOCIAL CHATTING SITES ETC.

TO SUM UP
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVENTHOUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
IS CONSIDERED
AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO BRING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TOGETHER, WITH ADVANCED TRANSPORT AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMMUNICATION
FACILITIES THE WORLD IS BECOMING CLOSER AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CULTURAL
AND OTHER BARRIERS ARE REDUCING ON A
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
DAY TO DAY
BASIS.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q3 The students discuss admission as an engineering major. State what the policy admission is and how one of the student was confused. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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