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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 1
Many people believe that it is significant using spare time for things that enhance the mind, for instance, reading and doing word puzzles. The others think that it is vital to relax the mind during spare time. In my opinion, I agree that people should use leisure time for activities which improve the mind. In one hand, some people have very exhausting jobs. Therefore, they would like to relax during leisure time, so they do not want to do anything within this time. They think they need to rest. Moreover, many people are lazy, for this reason, they do not keen to do activities to improve the mind. For instance reading a book and doing sudoku puzzles. On the other hand, many people have stressful jobs too, but they like to enhance the mind. Therefore, they do many things within leisure time such as reading a novel, solving puzzles, doing exercises which are useful for improving the mind. I think that people who utilise spare time doing activities that boost the mind are more successful than others who love to use spare time for relaxing. Finally, in my opinion, people should use their leisure time to improve the mind. For this reason, people should do anything which is useful for enhancing the mind. Moreover, ı would argue that people should be hard working not to be idle. So they always do something to be more successful. Furthermore, I think some activities are so relaxing while they improve the mind. Such as doing sudoku puzzles. In conclusion, ı agree that people should do activities that improve the mind during leisure time. because, while that they are performing activities for improving the mind, the activities can contribute to job achievement. Moreover, I think, leisure time should be used effectively since it is so precious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
believe that it is significant using
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spare
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time
for things that enhance the
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mind
,
for instance
, reading and
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doing
word puzzles. The others
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think
that it is vital to relax the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
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people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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leisure
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time
for
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activities
which
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improve
the mind.

In one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exhausting jobs.
Therefore
, they would like to relax during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
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time
,
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so
they do not want to do anything within this
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time
. They
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think
they need to rest.
Moreover
,
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many
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people
are lazy,
for this reason
, they do not keen to do
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activities
to
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improve
the
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mind
.
For instance
reading a book and
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doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudoku
puzzles.

On the other hand
,
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many
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people
have stressful jobs too,
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but
they like to enhance the
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mind
.
Therefore
, they do
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many
things within
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leisure
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time
such as reading a novel, solving puzzles,
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doing
exercises which are useful for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. I
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think
that
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people
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
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spare
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
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activities
that boost the
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mind
are more successful than others who
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love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxing.

Finally
, in my opinion,
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people
should
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use
their
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leisure
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time
to
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improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
For this reason
,
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people
should do anything which is useful for enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
Moreover
, ı would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
not to be idle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they always do something to be more successful.
Furthermore
, I
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think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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activities
are
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so
relaxing while they
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improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudoku
puzzles.

In conclusion
, ı
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
, while that they are performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can contribute to job achievement.
Moreover
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
effectively
since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
precious.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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