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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 3
In the digital world, People have multiple aspects to do in leisure time. There were different opinions on what we need to do in leisure time? . Some of the people suggests take rest in leisure time to give rest the mind. However, there are other people who encourages to do some activities in leisure time to get relaxation and to refresh the mind. In this essay, I will explain about advantages and disadvantages of both opinions as per my knowledge and experience. Firstly, In the leisure time few people put their concentration on other things which they don't do regularly. So that they can feel the change and it will help them to get new ideas and fresh thoughts. But it depends on what type of activity you choose to get relax in the free time? For example, If a person select to play the games in free time, then he will get physical exercise to his body as well as mental relaxation. But if the same person play the games in mobile phone, then he will put more pressure on his brain and there is a chance to addict the game and it leads to loss concentration on the real work. So the relaxation to the brain depends on the activity we have choosen. In my experience, whenever I play the games, then I feel get relaxed and I can go to the office with fresh brain in the next day. Secondly, Some people chooses option to take rest in leisure time to rest the mind. Even though there is most people supports this approach, there is some negative signs also. One of the opposite sign is, most people prefers to sleep in leisure time. But if they habituated to sleep every day in the free time, then there is a chance to loose sleep over the night. Most of the surveys saying, Night sleep is more powerful than the morning sleep. And if you give more relax to the brain, then function of the brain become slow. As per my experience, limited time of rest is enough to rest the brain. In conclusion, Depends on the activity and the time you have spent decide the rest time of the brain. And it is different to person to person. So People have to decide the option which will help to get refreshment and rest to brian depends on their experience.
In the digital world,
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People
have multiple aspects to do in
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leisure
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time
. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on what we need to do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
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time
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
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people
suggests take
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rest
in
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leisure
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time
to give
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rest
the mind.
However
, there are other
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people
who
Did you mean "encourage"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
encourages
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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activities
in
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxation and to refresh the mind. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
about advantages and disadvantages of both opinions as per my knowledge and experience.

Firstly
, In the
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leisure
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time
few
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people
put their concentration on other things which they don't do
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they can feel the
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change
and it will
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help
them to
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get
new
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ideas
and fresh thoughts.
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But
it depends on what type of
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activity
you choose to
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get
relax in the free
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time
?
For example
, If a
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person
select to play the
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games
in free
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time
, then he will
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get
physical exercise to his body
as well
as mental relaxation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if the same
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person
play the
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games
in mobile phone, then he will put more pressure on his
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brain
and there is a chance to addict the game and it leads to loss concentration on the real work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the relaxation to the
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brain
depends on the
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activity
we have
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
. In my experience, whenever I play the
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games
, then I feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed and I can go to the office with fresh
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brain
in the
next
day.

Secondly
,
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Some
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
chooses
option to take
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rest
in
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leisure
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time
to
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rest
the mind.
Even though
there is most
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
supports
this approach, there is
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some
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negative
signs
also
. One of the opposite
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sign
is, most
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
prefers
to
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sleep
in
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leisure
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time
.
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But
if they habituated to
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sleep
every day in the free
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time
, then there is a chance to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
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sleep
over the night. Most of the surveys saying, Night
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sleep
is more powerful than the morning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
. And if you give more relax to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
, then function of the
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brain
become slow. As per my experience, limited
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time
of
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rest
is
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enough
to
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rest
the brain.

In conclusion
, Depends on the
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activity
and the
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time
you have spent decide the
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rest
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time
of the
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brain
. And it is
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different
to
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person
to
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person
.
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So
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People
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have to
decide the option which will
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help
to
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get
refreshment and
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rest
to
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brian
depends on their experience.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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