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Systems ThinkingCompanies have designed new and improved ways to solve problems within their organizations. Rather than seeking a simple cause and a direct solution to problems, companies are now using an approach called systems thinking. Systems thinking v.1

Systems ThinkingCompanies have designed new and improved ways to solve problems within their organizations. Rather than seeking a simple cause and a direct solution to problems, companies are now using an approach called systems thinking. Systems thinking v. 1
A part of society considers that educating children, regardless of their genders in coed schools has more fringe benefits, whereas it is thought by a number of people that edification of children in distinct schools is a better choice. In my opinion, I believe mixed schooling should be appreciated which offers diversity and socialization. However, it can be a source of distraction as well. Hybrid institutions provide the diversified society where students from dissimilar backgrounds gets the opportunity to grow up together. Scholars share their different viewpoints and work alongside to reach to a solution of the given problem. Moreover, it promotes creativity, while collaborating their thoughts. Furthermore, it brings equality among students at very early stage of their life. Young minds get to know about unlike cultures and learn some productive things from one another which might help them in their careers going forward. For instance, it has illustrated that development of undergraduates in diverse environments is more fruitful by a recent study conducted by the journal “Child Development” in the UK. Another point to consider is that, common school platform given to the learners brings/promotes socialization. Young blood interacts with identical and opposite genders on daily basis, which prepares them to face the real world, which again is associated of both men and women. However, students who do not enrol in coed schools finds hard to communicate with dissimilar gender in the future. Since both the feminine and masculine have different ways of expressing themselves. Finally, the best approach would be to teach youngsters at same educational academies, but education system can have few gender specific schools. Moreover, this will ensure that teenagers will not get distracted from their studies. As a result, students will be able concentrate and country will not lose future talent. In conclusion, Coed education should be promoted as it is beneficial because it exposes youth to the environment where they can interact with people from various cultures and backgrounds.
A part of society considers that educating children, regardless of their genders in coed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has more fringe benefits, whereas it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that edification of children in distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is a better choice. In my opinion, I believe mixed schooling should
be appreciated
which offers diversity and socialization.
However
, it can be a source of distraction
as well
.

Hybrid institutions provide the diversified society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from dissimilar backgrounds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to grow up together. Scholars share their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
viewpoints and work alongside to reach to a solution of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
problem.
Moreover
, it promotes creativity, while collaborating their thoughts.
Furthermore
, it brings equality among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early stage of their life. Young minds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about unlike cultures and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
productive things from one another which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their careers going forward.
For instance
, it has illustrated that development of undergraduates in diverse environments is more fruitful by a recent study conducted by the journal “Child Development” in the UK.

Another point to consider is that, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
platform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the learners brings/promotes socialization. Young blood interacts with identical and opposite genders on daily basis, which prepares them to face the real world, which again
is associated
of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not enrol in coed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
finds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to communicate with dissimilar gender in the future. Since both the feminine and masculine have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of expressing themselves.

Finally
, the best approach would be to teach youngsters at same educational academies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
education system can have few
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
gender specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Moreover
, this will ensure that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their studies.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'concentrate'.
able concentrate
and country will not lose future talent.

In conclusion
, Coed education should
be promoted
as it is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it exposes youth to the environment where they can interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various cultures and backgrounds.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Systems ThinkingCompanies have designed new and improved ways to solve problems within their organizations. Rather than seeking a simple cause and a direct solution to problems, companies are now using an approach called systems thinking. Systems thinking v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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