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Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas What are your opinions on this v.1

Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas What are your opinions on this v. 1
Providing gifts to our beloved persons are vital in a healthy relationship. But, few people claim that, providing money is a best present for the young ones, whereas others proclaim that there are other efficient methods to gift youngsters. Thereby, I agree with the latter viewpoint, and in this essay, I shall explain both sides of the arguments by analysing it. On the one hand, compelling pieces of evidence prove that there are a plethora of ways exist to. Firstly, the paramount and most effective way is to provide something which they have been longing for, while this could be even more effective than providing a money, which shows them the way you care for them. For instance, if a father presents a bicycle, which his son asked for a year before, it makes him to become pleasantly surprised, hence, the long wait shows the real value of that item where he keeps it even safer. Consequently, it helps to retain their special bond as well as show the true meaning of a present. On the contrary, people across the board states that, giving a cash could be the most appropriate grants for the adult. First of all, juveniles can use it to buy anything they want, this make them very happy. Moreover, while providing currency, this imparts knowledge about fiscal savings and they could even learn how to handle it well, which would be highly beneficial for them in future. However, there is concern about squandering the money on unwanted items. In conclusion, it is true that giving money to the youngsters is one the methods of gifts, but, in my opinion, there are others forms of presenting birthday gifts which could show them the exact value of the item. Ergo, it's contrary can be overlooked or curbed.
Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to our beloved persons are vital in a healthy relationship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best present for the young ones, whereas others proclaim that there are other efficient methods to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
youngsters. Thereby, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter viewpoint, and in this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both sides of the arguments by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
it.

On the one hand, compelling pieces of evidence prove that there are a plethora of ways exist to.
Firstly
, the paramount and most effective way is to provide something which they have been longing for, while this could be even more effective than providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
them the way you care for them.
For instance
, if a father presents a bicycle, which his son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him to become
pleasantly
surprised,
hence
, the long wait
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the real value of that item where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
it even safer.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to retain their special bond
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
the true meaning of a present.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the board states that, giving a cash could be the most appropriate grants for the adult.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, juveniles can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything they want, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy.
Moreover
, while providing currency, this imparts knowledge about fiscal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
savings and
they could even learn how to handle it well, which would be
highly
beneficial for them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
However
, there is concern about squandering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unwanted items.

In conclusion
, it is true that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the youngsters is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, in my opinion, there are others forms of presenting birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
which could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
them the exact value of the item. Ergo, it's contrary can
be overlooked
or curbed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas What are your opinions on this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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