Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You will be moving to a new office soon. Write a letter to the general manager to request some necessary equipment for your future office. In your letter say– What equipment will you need and when? – Explain why you will need it. – Suggest where to ge v.1

You will be moving to a new office soon. Write a letter to the general manager to request some necessary equipment for your future office. In your letter say– What equipment will you need and when? – Explain why you will need it. – Suggest where to ge v. 1
Due to recent technological advancements, many think that students should only study those subjects which will be useful in the future. I totally disagree with this and I think that students should be able to study subjects of their choice. There are several reasons why people think universities should only offer subjects that are beneficial for the future. They may assert that studying courses like medicine, engineering and information technology may lead to higher employment opportunities. For example, Microsoft, a software company, has announced that they will employ 10 thousand people from computer science backgrounds for the following 5 years. Besides, this would also mean that they can progress more in career, have better salaries and therefore an improved quality of life. Finally, a focus on technology in higher education could lead to new inventions, economic growth, and greater future prosperity. Despite of these arguments, I believe university students should be free to choose their preferred area of study. Students should be passionate about what they are learning. If, in contrast, they are forced to study a subject, they might not excel in life as expected to do. Moreover, there ought to be a sense of freedom in the society. Last but no the last, a society needs all kinds of workers to meet its needs. Doctors, teachers, scientists, and inventors all are required to run a society. In conclusion, although there are certain benefits of studying subjects which will be beneficial in the future, I personally prefer the system in which people have the right to study whatever they like.
Due to recent technological advancements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which will be useful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I
totally
disagree with this and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their choice.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
universities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. They may assert that studying courses like medicine, engineering and information technology may lead to higher employment opportunities.
For example
, Microsoft, a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, has announced that they will employ 10 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from computer science backgrounds for the following 5 years.
Besides
, this would
also
mean that they can progress more in career, have better salaries and
therefore
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of life.
Finally
, a focus on technology in higher education could lead to new inventions, economic growth, and greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
prosperity.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
these arguments, I believe university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be free to choose their preferred area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should be passionate about what they are learning. If,
in contrast
, they
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they might not excel in life as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to do.
Moreover
, there ought to be a sense of freedom in the society. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
the last, a society needs all kinds of workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
its needs. Doctors, teachers, scientists, and inventors all
are required
to run a society.

In conclusion
, although there are certain benefits of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which will be beneficial in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, I
personally
prefer the system in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whatever they like.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You will be moving to a new office soon. Write a letter to the general manager to request some necessary equipment for your future office. In your letter say– What equipment will you need and when? – Explain why you will need it. – Suggest where to ge v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts