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Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas. What are your opinions on this? v.2

Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas. What are your opinions on this? v. 2
Supermarkets play a particularly important role in the developing world. While some people claim that all kinds of food, which are produced in the same country, must be sold in the same market, others are not. Unfortunately, I am opinion of the two approaches which are not well. Personally, I firmly believe that all items should be sold by supermarkets where they are located in every corner of the world. Firstly, a product might not be found in the country, and goods must be imported by country to submit community. For example; Nesquik is by far the most popular food among children, and Nesquik is made in USA. This food has to be imported from there. However, processing of importing is not be taken just only Nesquik, but also taken country’s culture and lifestyle. So many examples can be mentioned such as tea, coffee or ice cream. As well as economic development in an increasingly global world, we cannot be escaped from this situation. On the other hand, some people believe that supermarkets have to sell only food, which is prepared in own country. It should no be forgotten that the quantity of products might not adequate to the consumers ‘demands. So, many products, which are fruits and vegetables, cannot be planted in the some countries. This is because, import has a critical effect on supermarket and people. Majority of people, who work for import and export fields, depend on these areas. To sum up, both foreign and domestic products should be presented to people through supermarkets, so that whatever people want to buy. Additionally, countries and people-just import or export something-can earn, and protect their economic growth.
Supermarkets play a
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the developing world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
are produced
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sold
in the same market, others are not. Unfortunately, I am opinion of the two approaches which are not well.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that all items should
be sold
by supermarkets where they
are located
in every corner of the world.

Firstly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
might not
be found
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to submit community.
For example
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nesquik
is by far the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among children, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nesquik
is made
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be imported
from there.
However
, processing of importing is not
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nesquik
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
culture and lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples can
be mentioned
such as tea, coffee or ice cream.
As well
as economic development in an
increasingly
global world, we cannot
be escaped
from this situation.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that supermarkets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
is prepared
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It should
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be forgotten
that the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
might not adequate to the consumers ‘demands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which are fruits and vegetables, cannot
be planted
in the
Did you mean "same"?
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, import has a critical effect on supermarket and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who work for import and export fields, depend on these areas.

To sum up, both foreign and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should
be presented
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through supermarkets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
import or export something-can earn, and protect their economic growth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Supermarkets should only sell food produced from within their own country rather than imports from overseas. What are your opinions on this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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