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Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion. v.2

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion. v. 2
It is irrefutable that the game of cricket has become immensely famous compared to the national sports of most of the south Asian countries. In my opinion, I consider that the role of the media and the involvement of the corporate houses are the major factors behind this phenomenon. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth some arguments to support my views. One of the main reasons of this particular game's popularity is that it is promoted heavily by the media across the globe. In other words, endorsements by influential celebrities and politicians has been rising exponentially owing to the huge profits involved in these events. For instance, the arrangement of the charity match between opposing competitive political parties of Pakistan has attracted a huge number of the spectators in the stadium last year, estimated to be in the thousands. Thus, it gives an overview that the mainstream electronic and print media plays a crucial role in the publicity of such events. Another obvious factor is that it has become more a lucrative business in lieu of sports activity. As a matter of fact, more and more businessmen are investing in this field to generate a great deal of financial benefits for their organizations. Cricket premier leagues of India and Bangladesh are the prime examples of this activity in which business organization has bought each player in the millions of dollars. Consequently, young athletes are lured into this game. Moreover, when celebrities with a huge fan following participate in the promotions. Their fans blindly follow them. Therefore, it is completely clear that interest of rich companies has garnered a great deal of response for the Cricket in the hearts of the general public. In conclusion, it is true that the subcontinent nationalities prefer to play cricket more than their own national games. I would reiterate my point that the financial interests of business houses and publicity by the media can be attributed as the primary factors of this situation.
It is irrefutable that the game of
cricket
has become
immensely
famous
compared to the national sports of most of the south Asian countries. In my opinion, I consider that the role of the
media
and the involvement of the corporate
houses
are the major factors behind this phenomenon. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth
some
arguments to support my views.

One of the main reasons of this particular game's popularity is that it
is promoted
heavily
by the
media
across the globe.
In other words
, endorsements by influential celebrities and politicians has been rising
exponentially
owing to the huge profits involved in these
events
.
For instance
, the arrangement of the charity match between opposing competitive political parties of Pakistan has attracted a huge number of the spectators in the stadium last year, estimated to be in the thousands.
Thus
, it gives an overview that the mainstream electronic and print
media
plays a crucial role in the publicity of such
events
.

Another obvious factor is that it has become
more a lucrative
business in lieu of sports activity. As a matter of fact, more and more businessmen are investing in this field to generate a great deal of financial benefits for their organizations.
Cricket
premier leagues of India and Bangladesh are the prime examples of this activity in which business organization has
bought
each player in the millions of dollars.
Consequently
, young athletes
are lured
into this game.
Moreover
, when celebrities with a huge fan following participate in the promotions. Their fans
blindly
follow them.
Therefore
, it is completely
clear
that interest of rich
companies
has garnered a great deal of response for the
Cricket
in the hearts of the
general public
.

In conclusion
, it is true that the subcontinent nationalities prefer to play
cricket
more than their
own
national games. I would reiterate my point that the financial interests of business
houses
and publicity by the
media
can
be attributed
as the primary factors of this situation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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