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Some people think it is more important to spend time developing a successful career, while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.1

Some people think it is more important to spend time developing a successful career, while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. 1
Nowadays, many people hold the view that career development is more important due to the fierce competition in the modern society. At the same time, there are people who opine that those who live in the fast-paced life should slow down and spend more time with family and friends. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate before arriving at a conclusion. To begin with, there is no doubt that career development contributes to the improvement of people’s living standard and sense of fulfilment. It is possible to say that a person who tends to devote more time on his/her job pursues more financial return. The main reason for this is that financial security now has become extremely vital to a family—a household not only has to bear the daily expenses that are continuously rising, but also pay the exorbitant tuition fee of its children. In addition, a prestigious job brings an individual a sense of fulfilment including fame and higher social status. However, others have the opinion that it is necessary for people to dedicate more time to their friends and family, since the fast pace of life somehow leads to the disintegration of families and relationships. For example, parents who pursue money and career are more likely to neglect their children and the elders in their family; college graduates who seek better job opportunity choose to migrate to metropolises that are far away from their home. To summarize, there is no easy answer to this debate. On balance, however, we have to admit that both career and family play a significant role in our lives. Hence, it is important for us to balance these two aspects in order to make our life happier. Do you have
Nowadays,
many
people
hold the view that
career
development is more
important
due to the fierce competition in the modern society. At the same
time
, there are
people
who
opine that those
who
live
in the
fast
-paced life should slow down and spend more
time
with
family
and friends. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate
before
arriving at a conclusion.

To
begin
with, there is no doubt that
career
development contributes to the improvement of
people’s
living standard and sense of
fulfilment
. It is possible to say that a person
who
tends to devote more
time
on his/her job pursues more financial return. The main reason for this is that financial security
now
has become
extremely
vital to a family—a household not
only
has to
bear the daily expenses that are
continuously
rising,
but
also
pay the exorbitant tuition fee of its children.
In addition
, a prestigious job brings an individual a sense of
fulfilment
including fame and higher social status.

However
, others have the opinion that it is necessary for
people
to dedicate more
time
to their friends and
family
, since the
fast
pace of life somehow leads to the disintegration of
families
and relationships.
For example
, parents
who
pursue money and
career
are more likely to neglect their children and the elders in their
family
; college graduates
who
seek better job opportunity choose to migrate to metropolises that are far away from their home.

To summarize
, there is no easy answer to this debate. On balance,
however
, we
have to
admit that both
career
and
family
play a significant role in our
lives
.
Hence
, it is
important
for us to balance these two aspects in order to
make
our life happier.

Do you have
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend time developing a successful career, while others think it is more important to spend time with friends and family. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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