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Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea What is your opinion on this v.1

Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea What is your opinion on this v. 1
Education plays a vital role in the development of an individual. Therefore, many think the government should provide free of cost education in schools and colleges to the people of all financial status. I completely agree with the aforementioned statement, and this essay will elaborate my view further with valid reasons and relevant examples. To begin with, education aids open-mindedness. In other words, literate people are broad-minded and they do not believe in myths prevailing in a society with no logic to support it. For example, in rural areas, love marriage is a sin, whilst people in urban areas believe in it. This is because people in cities believe in freedom to choose a life partner of one’s own choice. Indeed, education brings positivity and promotes logical thinking, and thus a mandate for the overall growth of all the sections of society. Besides, education helps build a strong character in people. This means that education teaches one to be sensitive to other people and use the resources of the country wisely. For instance, recent research conducted by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that countries like Canada with a more literacy rate has a lesser crime rate. Finally, a country becomes a developed nation only when its people, whether rich or poor, are disciplined and hard-working. In conclusion, Education brings several advantages such as it curbs orthodox thinking and instills moral and social values among people of any country. Therefore, every government should educate people regardless of their economic background.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays a vital role in the development of an individual.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide free of cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in schools and colleges to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all financial status. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned statement, and this essay will elaborate my view
further
with valid reasons and relevant examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aids open-mindedness.
In other words
, literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
broad-minded and
they do not believe in myths prevailing in a society with no logic to support it.
For example
, in rural areas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
marriage is a sin, whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in urban areas believe in it.

This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities believe in freedom to choose a life partner of one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
brings positivity and promotes logical thinking, and
thus
a mandate for the
overall
growth of all the sections of society.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
build a strong character in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
teaches one to be sensitive to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the resources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wisely
.
For instance
, recent research conducted by the students of the University of Michigan revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada with a more literacy rate has a lesser crime rate.
Finally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becomes a developed nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether rich or poor,
are disciplined
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
brings several advantages such as it curbs orthodox thinking and instills moral and social values among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their economic background.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea What is your opinion on this v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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