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Individuals today have more information about health than at any time in the past. Yet people are increasingly suffering from fitness and diet related issues. Why is this happening and what can be done to prevent it? v.1

Individuals today have more information about health than at any time in the past. Yet people are increasingly suffering from fitness and diet related issues. Why is this happening and what can be done to prevent it? v. 1
Although it is sometimes thought by a number of people that to achieve success in games one ought to be born with natural talent, some believe that without hard work and practice no one can get success. In my opinion, I believe that, gaining success only depends on one's dedicated hard work and immense practice. According to one portion of population, natural capabilities play an important role to become successful in sports. They believe that if a person born with a few qualities such as good in running and jumping can become a successful runner or jumper. Moreover, they think that if anyone who has certain capabilities, without doing hard work he or she can achieve a name or fame in the sports industry. To exemplify, there was an article in the "Times of India" during November month this year, almost 52% population parked their opinion that to become a famous athlete or sports person one should have natural abilities. On the other hand, some people believe that without sufficient hard work and regular practice one can not get success. According to them, whatever talent you have, you should practice hard to come on top level. Furthermore, any talent, which comes naturally will no longer sustain, until you polish it or make it more robust. Somehow, I also believe that any quality will not persist if do not use yourself to do practice. For Instance, P V Sindhu, who is an Indian badminton player, got this name and fame only after her dedicated work and regular practice. In conclusion, for some people natural abilities are more important to become successful in sports, while others have their beliefs, that hard work can make anyone successful. Somewhere, I also fall in the latter category, who think that any normal person can become successful with hard work.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in games one ought to
be born
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depends on one's dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and immense practice.

According to one portion of population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
capabilities play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if a person born with a few qualities such as
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at running"?
good in running
and jumping can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
runner or jumper.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if anyone who has certain capabilities, without doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
he or she can achieve a name or fame in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
industry. To exemplify, there was an article in the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Times of India
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
during November month this year, almost 52% population parked their opinion that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athlete or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person one should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
abilities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that without sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
one can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. According to them, whatever talent you have, you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
.
Furthermore
, any talent, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
naturally
will no longer sustain, until you polish it or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more robust. Somehow, I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that any quality will not persist if do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
yourself to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
.
For Instance
, P V
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindhu
, who is an Indian badminton player,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this name and fame
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after her dedicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and regular practice.

In conclusion
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
abilities are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, while others have their beliefs, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. Somewhere, I
also
fall in the latter category, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that any normal person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Individuals today have more information about health than at any time in the past. Yet people are increasingly suffering from fitness and diet related issues. Why is this happening and what can be done to prevent it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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