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Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea. What is your opinion on this? v.1

Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea. What is your opinion on this? v. 1
One of the most important issues that many people in society concerned about nowadays is whether or not supermarket should only sell domestic food. Some people believe that it should be done while others have negative attitudes. From my point of view, I am completely against the above statement because of some reasons as below. To begin with, it is true that the quantity of products which are produced within country is not adequate to the consumers ‘demands. The increase of resident land for buildings and apartments which are caused by the overburden population contributes to the decline of farm lands for agriculture. It means that it is not enough area to crop and sufficient food for all citizens. In my country, the total of cropped area is more and more narrowed. And the sum of goods which are collected can be supplied approximately a half of population. In addition, some vegetables or fruits cannot be planted within country. For example, a tropical area as my country cannot grow blueberry which is famous food in temperate zone like USA. However, more and more people in my country prefer enjoying blueberry rather than other fruits. Under these circumstances, the government has to enhance the import of some significant products from other countries. Moreover, that supermarket does not sell any foreign overseas causes the long-term negative effect on the profit of business. In fact, there are many ways in order that people can enjoy or buy products which are made in other countries. A significant illustration is that they can order goods on Internet and ship them from outside through airplane or their friends who travel oversea or live in other countries. As a result, it is seemed to lose a large number of potential customers for supermarket over the time. Hence, businesses cannot gain enough income as well as profits in order to maintain their supermarket systems. Last but not least, it is obviously to see that the internal enterprises cannot know the weaknesses of their products compared with foreign enterprises if supermarkets only sell domestic products. Imaginably, if only internal goods are sold, only domestic business will be competitive together. Therefore, the quality of products is not improved and even their prices can change arbitrarily. In contrast, in foreign countries, they can make the same product with higher quality and reasonable prices with using high technology which attract more customers. To sum up, there are good reasons why supermarkets should not only sell food produced within their countries. In my opinion, both foreign and domestic products should be displayed in supermarkets in order that all enterprises can compete together and consumers can use the diverse products.
One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society concerned about nowadays is
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
supermarket should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it should
be done
while others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitudes. From my point of view, I am completely against the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons as below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which
are produced
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not adequate to the consumers ‘demands. The increase of resident land for buildings and apartments which
are caused
by the overburden population contributes to the decline of farm lands for agriculture. It means that it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
area to crop and sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for all citizens. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the total of cropped area is more and more narrowed. And the sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which
are collected
can
be supplied
approximately a half of population.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vegetables or fruits cannot
be planted
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, a tropical area as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot grow blueberry which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in temperate zone
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
.
However
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
prefer enjoying blueberry
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fruits.
Under these circumstances
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
enhance the import of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

Moreover
, that supermarket does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
overseas causes the long-term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the profit of business. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which
are made
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. A significant illustration is that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
on Internet and ship them from outside through airplane or their friends who travel oversea or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
, it
is seemed
to lose
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
potential customers for supermarket over the time.
Hence
, businesses cannot gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
income
as well
as profits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to maintain their supermarket systems.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is
obviously
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the internal enterprises cannot know the weaknesses of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
enterprises if supermarkets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Imaginably
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are sold
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
business will be competitive together.
Therefore
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and even their prices can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
arbitrarily
.
In contrast
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with higher quality and reasonable prices with using high technology which attract more customers.

To sum up, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reasons why supermarkets should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
produced within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should
be displayed
in supermarkets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
that all enterprises can compete together and consumers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Supermarkets should only sell food produce from within their country rather than from oversea. What is your opinion on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
446 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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