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The given bar chart indicates a comparison of Australian genders with the exact percents who do exercises frequently according to their various age groups As can be seen from the chart males did more physical exercises than females at the age of 15 to 24 v.1

The given bar chart indicates a comparison of Australian genders with the exact percents who do exercises frequently according to their various age groups As can be seen from the chart males did more physical exercises than females at the age of 15 to 24 v. 1
Stress is a part of human life. It has positive and negative effects on our behaviour. In these days, most of the people are facing extreme weight in their workplace. Because they have to perform long hours. In this essay, will analyse some causes of stress at the enterprise and how employers can take steps to reduce weight. There are plenty of causes of job related burden. Firstly, if employees have a heavy workload, they cannot finish their task on required deadline. Secondly, working long hours also effect on their physical and mental health. Thirdly, sometimes over supervision creates negative impacts, as a result, employees do not feel fully confident in their effort and they cannot produce good output for the organisation. Furthermore, some companies do not provide the proper resources, proper equipment, because of that, employees become pressurised. And poor relationships with colleagues or bosses also a part of stress. This can lead to a sense of isolation. On the other hand, employers can take some effective steps to make employees' life easier. To begin with, they can reduce the working hours and balance the workload as well. If workers have limited tasks, they can produce better results. So, employees also can manage their work life balance. Additionally, the manager should make wellness a part of the building. For instance, a boss should give gym membership to staff or they can bring a yoga teacher once in a month to encourage yoga within employees. And, they have to promote healthy living habits on the job, such as, free healthy snacks instead of junk food. This will motivate employees to maintain healthy habits in the industry. To further strengthen this view, management should also encourage breaks because time off decrease weight, improves productivity and the work performance. Last but not least, an organisation should provide timely feedback to their staff. With the help of this, executive can promote them or reward them. Because pay increments or financial reward always increases positivity in employee performance. To conclude, density at the workplace is a great concern, but this can be solved by the owner of the enterprise. Otherwise, it will decrease the firm's productivity and performance, which is detrimental for any company 's growth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
is a part of human life. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In these days, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing extreme weight in their workplace.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform long hours. In this essay, will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at the enterprise and how employers can take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of causes of job related burden.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have a heavy workload, they cannot finish their task on required deadline.
Secondly
, working long hours
also
effect on their physical and mental health.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
over supervision creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
do not feel
fully
confident in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effort and
they cannot produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
output for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not provide the proper resources, proper equipment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
become
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
. And poor relationships with colleagues or bosses
also
a part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This can lead to a sense of isolation.

On the other hand
, employers can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
employees' life easier. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the working hours and balance the workload
as well
. If workers have limited tasks, they can produce better results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
also
can manage their
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance.
Additionally
, the manager should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wellness a part of the building.
For instance
, a boss should give gym membership to
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
staff or
they can bring a yoga teacher once in a month to encourage yoga within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. And, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
promote healthy living habits on the job, such as, free healthy snacks
instead
of junk food. This will motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to maintain healthy habits in the industry.

To
further
strengthen this view, management should
also
encourage breaks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
time off decrease weight,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
productivity and the work performance. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should provide timely feedback to their staff. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this, executive can promote them or reward them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
pay increments or financial reward always increases positivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
performance.

To conclude
, density at the workplace is a great concern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be solved
by the owner of the enterprise.
Otherwise
, it will decrease the firm's productivity and performance, which is detrimental for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's growth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The given bar chart indicates a comparison of Australian genders with the exact percents who do exercises frequently according to their various age groups As can be seen from the chart males did more physical exercises than females at the age of 15 to 24 v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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