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Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant v.1

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant v.1
Many people think that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. However, some people think that it is better to try to improve such situations. In the following paragraphs, both of these viewpoints will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. From my point of view, accepting the poor position helps people become accustomed to a bad occasion. This contributes to pleasant social skills. In other words, they can adapt to other societies easier than people who do not have pleasant social skills. In addition, accepting bad situations can improve tolerance. For instance, most people have more patience when they endure an unsatisfactory job. However, there is another terrible effect too. A bad position can lead to mental problems. Nowadays, many people have to consult with a doctor because of mental problems, and some people might even choose to kill themselves. On the other hand, some people believe that trying to improve a bad event is better than just accepting it. In my personal opinion, this action is more beneficial. First, it can bring about a better situation, such as trying to earn more money in case of a shortage of money. Furthermore, improving a poor position also contributes to a satisfactory result for each person. Second, this can encourage personal ambition. That means every time of trying or improving unsatisfactory situations will lead to more ambitious. In conclusion, these two opinions on the topic, it's still very personal for many people. Both of these views have benefits, but the first aspect has some drawbacks, while another aspect does not have any drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is best to accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. In the following paragraphs, both of these viewpoints will
be discussed
in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the conclusion
is reached
.

From my point of view, accepting the poor position
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become accustomed to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occasion. This contributes to pleasant social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In other words
, they can adapt to other societies easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have pleasant social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
tolerance.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more patience when they endure an unsatisfactory job.
However
, there is another terrible effect too. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
position can lead to mental problems. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consult with a doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mental problems, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might even choose to kill themselves.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accepting it. In my personal opinion, this action is more beneficial.
First
, it can bring about a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, such as trying to earn more money in case of a shortage of money.
Furthermore
, improving a poor position
also
contributes to a satisfactory result for each person. Second, this can encourage personal ambition. That means every time of trying or improving unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
will lead to more ambitious.

In conclusion
, these two opinions on the topic, it's
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
personal for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Both of these views have benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
first
aspect has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, while another aspect does not have any drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant v.1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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