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Many think that all decisions within a company should be made by managers whereas others feel it is better to include employees in the process. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Many think that all decisions within a company should be made by managers whereas others feel it is better to include employees in the process. v. 1
It is commonly believed by many that the employees should be involved in company’s decision-making process so that they feel invaluable and stay with the company for the long term. However, others tend to oppose this idea and consider that only managers should participate in making decisions due to security reasons. In my opinion, employees should also be considered as an important entity while making decisions because if the large number of people are involved, the decision will be more optimal. To begin with, those who opine that only managers should participate in making important decisions in the company can easily point their wide knowledge and experience. That is to say, managers have rich experience of dealing with the business problems and therefore, it is very highly likely for them to make correct decisions by considering all the consequences. Additionally, the vast majority of business problems involve confidential details and disclosing that information to employees can be dangerous which can further lead to severe results. For instance, according to The New York Times, Google’s doodle project got leaked, resulted in their huge loss. On further investigation, it was found that the company’s ex employee was responsible for that theft. On the other hand, there are various reasons of giving importance to employees in making company’s decisions. Firstly, employees will feel that they have a significant role in the company’s and therefore they will consider staying with the company for the long term. The reason being, everyone wants to work with the company where management loves their ideas and offers them respect and dignity. Secondly, it is very highly likely for the company to make efficient and reliable decisions if everyone in the company is offering their viewpoints and the resultant decision is the agreeable to all. To conclude, although managers can make good decisions with their experience and knowledge, however, I believe with the involvement of employees, the decision will be wise and even employees will feel valuable asset of the company.
It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
be involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
decision-making process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they feel invaluable and stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for the long term.
However
, others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
should participate in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
due to security reasons. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
also
be considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
entity while making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are involved
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
will be more optimal.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
should participate in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
easily
point their wide knowledge and experience.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
have rich experience of dealing with the business problems and
therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
highly
likely for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by considering all the consequences.
Additionally
, the vast majority of business problems involve confidential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and disclosing that information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
which can
further
lead to severe results.
For instance
, according to The New York Times, Google’s doodle project
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
leaked, resulted in their huge loss. On
further
investigation, it
was found
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
ex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
was responsible for that theft.

On the other hand
, there are various reasons of giving importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will feel that they have a significant role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
and
therefore
they will consider staying with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for the long term. The reason being, everyone wants to work with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
where management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and offers them respect and dignity.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
highly
likely for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efficient and reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
if everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is offering their viewpoints and the resultant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is the agreeable to all.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
with their experience and knowledge,
however
, I believe with the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
will be wise and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will feel valuable asset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many think that all decisions within a company should be made by managers whereas others feel it is better to include employees in the process. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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