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In many countries, government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. What are the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v.1

In many countries, government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. What are the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v. 1
It is argued in some nations that state-law gives priority to economic growth on top of other concerns. While the main advantage of this approach is better living standards, I believe that it can affect the health and environment. Industrialization is one of the priorities in some countries to help boost the economy. Investing in industries will open a wide range of job employment, and more people will have a stable income. Also, industries will increase the country's GDP, making the country more economically stable. Aside from that, people will have a high average income that enables them to purchase consumer goods and services and a better lifestyle. For example, Singapore has the most stable economy and higher salary rate in Asia because of the huge revenue from the shipping industry. However, I believe that people's health and the preservation of the environment are equally important. However, focusing on industrialization as a mechanism for economic growth can affect the people's health and can lead to environmental destruction. This means that the pollution coming from industries are health hazards and also it destroys the eco-system. As a result, many people suffer from lung diseases and other life-threatening sicknesses because of air pollution and lead contamination in the rivers and watersheds. For example, the Department of Mineral Resources in the Philippines reported that 90% of lead contamination in the watersheds are coming from mining industries. Therefore, people are severely suffering from multiple sicknesses related to the lungs and brain. However, I believe that increased revenue from industries should support health and maintain an eco-friendly environment. In conclusion, although industrialization helps boost economic growth and living standards while supporting the health of the people and preserving the natural beauty of the environment should be considered.
It
is argued
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations that state-law gives priority to economic growth on top of other concerns. While the main advantage of this approach is better living standards, I believe that it can affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and environment.

Industrialization is one of the priorities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
boost the economy. Investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
will open a wide range of job employment, and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a stable income.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
will increase the country's GDP, making the country more
economically
stable. Aside from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a high average income that enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services and a better lifestyle.
For example
, Singapore has the most stable economy and higher salary rate in Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge revenue from the shipping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
However
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the preservation of the environment are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

However
, focusing on industrialization as a mechanism for economic growth can affect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and can lead to environmental destruction. This means that the pollution coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
hazards and
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from lung diseases and other life-threatening sicknesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of air pollution and lead contamination in the rivers and watersheds.
For example
, the Department of Mineral Resources in the Philippines reported that 90% of lead contamination in the watersheds are coming from mining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
severely
suffering from multiple sicknesses related to the lungs and brain.
However
, I believe that increased revenue from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and maintain an eco-friendly environment.

In conclusion
, although industrialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
boost economic growth and living standards while supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and preserving the natural beauty of the environment should
be considered
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. What are the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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