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Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is governments responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it's individual who are responsible. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.4

Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is governments responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it's individual who are responsible. v. 4
Consumption of sugar can cause pernicious implications on human health. Owing to this, few deem that on order to mitigate the usage of sugar, authorities should be accountable, whereas others think that every person should be responsible for their own sugar intake. Although, states can levy heavy taxes as well as public campaigns to reduce the consumption of sugar, I believe that it is peoples' morale responsibility to do the same. On the one hand, higher taxes should be imposed by the governments on different products which contain large amount of sugar. As a result, people will discourage to eat those food items because of its expensive prices. For example, in the Great Britain, chocolates prices are sky-rocketing due to various taxes; hence, the consumption of chocolates has been decreased drastically. In addition to that, public awareness campaigns should be run by the authorities regarding the deterrent effects of over-consumption of sugar. Consequently, more people will get aware with the menace concomitant with eating sugar. However, I reckon the notion of taking responsibility of consuming sugar by an individual on themselves. On the other hand, there are several plausible reasons to bolster the credence that people should take care of themselves. Firstly, people should understand that over-consumption of sugar can cause diabetes as well as heart related problems. To halt this situation, they should curb their sugar usage. Secondly, they should adopt other alternatives of sugar such as, sugar-free products which cause mere detrimental effect on their fitness. Finally, people should do health check-up regularly, ultimately, the will alter their diet as per the instructions given by dietician. Therefore, I concur with the thought of limiting consumption of sugar by public only. To recapitulate, although authorities can curtail the intake of sugar by implementing exorbitant taxes as well as by organizing awareness seminars regarding the dangers associated with the consumption of sugar, I bolster the notion that people should take care of themselves because there are other important issues which should be addressed first by the states.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can cause pernicious implications on human health. Owing to this, few deem that on order to mitigate the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, authorities should be accountable, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every person should be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake. Although, states can levy heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
as well
as public campaigns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, I believe that it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoples&
#039; morale responsibility to do the same.

On the one hand, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
should
be imposed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products which contain large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will discourage to eat those food items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its expensive prices.
For example
, in the Great Britain, chocolates prices are sky-rocketing due to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
;
hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of chocolates has
been decreased
drastically
.
In addition
to that, public awareness campaigns should
be run
by the authorities regarding the deterrent effects of over-consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Consequently
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware with the menace concomitant with eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
However
, I reckon the notion of taking responsibility of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by an individual on themselves.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are several plausible reasons to bolster the credence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take care of themselves.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand that over-consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can cause diabetes
as well
as heart related problems. To halt this situation, they should curb their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
usage.
Secondly
, they should adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
such as, sugar-free products which cause mere detrimental effect on their fitness.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up
regularly
,
ultimately
,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
will alter their diet as per the instructions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
dietician
.
Therefore
, I concur with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

To recapitulate, although authorities can curtail the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by implementing exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
as well
as by organizing awareness seminars regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, I bolster the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take care of themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues which should
be addressed
first
by the states.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is governments responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it's individual who are responsible. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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