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Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 2
Nowadays, sugar consumption is increasingly common among the peoples. Sugar contents are essentials of the human body, but it should be in control with some proportion. It is mostly accepted by the peoples as it's a routine diet during their personal lifestyle, but still some portion of people thinking that the Government should take necessary action to avoid it. I am going to discuss both views and provide my opinion in the further paragraphs. Firstly, though the Government announces that how much proportion of carbohydrate content has to be taken into the human body at the day-to-day life, some of them are not considering the value of information. Whenever we buy any food products, there will be a clear information in the package about the foodstuff made up of an ingredient and a percentage of each, so people should make sure how much they are consuming is most important as per the food scientist recommendations. For instance, if we consume the product called white bread, which contains many ingredients including sugar. Therefore everyone should try to observe the content placed on the cover of product which we take as a meal. The body requires the portion of sugar with other ingredients, but it has to be in control. On the other hand, the quantity of the carbohydrate taken everyday is beneficial to health as per the majority of people. There will be a serious consequences for the health by taking these foods without the proper knowledge. For example, Most of the people are affected by diabetes due to this misconception of foods. Consequently, it will collapse the internal organs and following the medication to sustain the insulin level for their entire life. This is not recommended by the healthcare organization. Always taking an equal amount of vitamins is a right way to maintain the health would be a suggested approach. To conclude, although the carbohydrate content is harm to our internal system, people should consume the right proportion of food. I have discussed in this essay that the government takes precautionary measures, people also must follow their diet. According to my opinion, all kinds of eatable items are good for healthy life, but should be in control based on government or medical expert's suggestions.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption is
increasingly
common among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sugar
contents are essentials of the human body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be in control with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proportion. It is
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
as it's a routine diet during their personal lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take necessary action to avoid it. I am going to discuss both views and provide my opinion in the
further
paragraphs.

Firstly
, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
announces that how much proportion of carbohydrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
into the human body at the day-to-day life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are not considering the value of information. Whenever we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products, there will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
information in the package about the foodstuff made up of an ingredient and a percentage of each,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure how much they are consuming is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
scientist recommendations.
For instance
, if we consume the product called white bread, which contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ingredients including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
everyone should try to observe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
placed on the cover of product which we take as a meal. The body requires the portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
with other ingredients,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in control.

On the other hand
, the quantity of the carbohydrate taken
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
is beneficial to health as per the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There will be a serious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
for the health by taking these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
without the proper knowledge.
For example
, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by diabetes due to this misconception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Consequently
, it will collapse the internal organs and following the medication to sustain the insulin level for their entire life. This is not recommended by the healthcare organization. Always taking an equal amount of vitamins is a right way to maintain the health would be a suggested approach.

To conclude
, although the carbohydrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
is harm to our internal system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consume the right proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I have discussed in this essay that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes precautionary measures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow their diet. According to my opinion, all kinds of eatable items are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for healthy life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be in control based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or medical expert's suggestions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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