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Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v.2

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v. 2
It can be seen that young generation is spending most of their time playing virtual games instead of playing outdoor sports. The plausible reasons for this maneuver are modernisation as well as urbanisation. Furthermore, it is a negative development because it hinders adolescence’s overall development. To commence with, there is less space available for the playgrounds in modern towns. This is because, as the population is increasing incessantly, land, which were previously allocated for public parks, are used for making houses and business complexes. Consequently, children are compelled to play computer games. Secondary reason is that both the parents are bread-earners in this competitive environment. As a result, they are not able to devote suffice time to their descendants and allow them to play computer games. Therefore, lack of playgrounds and hectic schedule of parents could be the reasons due to which children are spending most of their time to play video games. This is a negative development because neither cognitive skills nor pragmatic skills are acquired by playing virtual games. In other words, when children are playing outside, it helps them to imbibe different traits such as leadership skills, team spirit and many more. However, playing computer games make them aggressive and isolated from society which is not desirable. To exemplify, a survey in Times of India showed a major increment in aggressiveness in today’s generation as compared to earlier generation. Thus, by considering above mentioned factors, I could say that this is a negative development. In conclusion, scarcity of land as well as busy schedule of parents are pivotal reasons that modern generation spend most of their time playing virtual games. Additionally, obstruction to nurture essential life skills and aggression are two cardinal reasons to conclude it as a negative development. Furthermore, it is recommended that government should take initiatives in order to encourage children to play outdoor sports.
It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that young generation is spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor sports. The plausible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this maneuver are
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
.
Furthermore
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it hinders adolescence’s
overall
development.

To commence with, there is less space available for the playgrounds in modern towns. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as the population is increasing
incessantly
, land, which were previously allocated for public parks, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and business complexes.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are compelled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that both the parents are bread-earners in this competitive environment.
As a result
, they are not able to devote suffice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their descendants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Therefore
, lack of playgrounds and hectic schedule of parents could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video games.

This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
neither cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
nor pragmatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to imbibe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traits such as leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, team spirit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aggressive and isolated from society which is not desirable. To exemplify, a survey in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a major increment in aggressiveness in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation as compared to earlier generation.
Thus
, by considering above mentioned factors, I could say that this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

In conclusion
, scarcity of land
as well
as busy schedule of parents are pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that modern generation spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Additionally
, obstruction to nurture essential life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and aggression are two cardinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to conclude
it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.
Furthermore
, it
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiatives in order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor sports.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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