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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 1
Nowadays, sports like football, cricket and basketball become one of the critical parts of the entertainment industry, which in turn yield a big wage for players. There is a section of people, who believe that players deserve this amount, although some people believe that this is not justice to other professionals. In my opinion, high salaries for sport person is a fair decision, as they have a big responsibility and relatively a short career as compare to other professions. Below paragraphs would discuss both these views and reach to the conclusion. A big sum of the federal budget is allocated for the sports' activities and its infrastructure which indirectly contributed by the public. As the infra and services provided for any individual to become a successful player are from the government's fund, it is not justified to pay them big money for their regular work as compare to other people. In all other professions, a lot of hard work and fund have invested by an individual, yet he is not able to make a big salary. However, based on the skill, everyone selects his profession and all professions have its own positives and drawbacks. Similarly, most of the players have shorter duration of the career as compare to other professionals, which justify the large of fund paid to them. Any athletes need to maintain a healthy diet and a lot of workout is required to be fit and keep himself performing in the relative game. When individuals participate in any world tournaments, they need to keep up the high expectation and pressure of citizens to perform, so that they can bring accolades to the country. Keeping the pride and their stature as a celebrity, a hefty pay cheque is justified. In conclusion, any sport is a profession which has a deeper connection with the citizen's emotions which makes it important and critical. At the same time, every sports individual needs to sacrifice his family for trips abroad and need to earn money for his entire lifetime in the short span of sports' career. Hence, these points justify my opinion to pay the higher amount for a player.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football, cricket and basketball become one of the critical parts of the entertainment industry, which in turn yield a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
wage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. There is a section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
deserve this amount, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is not justice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals. In my opinion, high salaries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
person is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
decision, as they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
responsibility and
relatively
a short career as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. Below paragraphs would discuss both these views and reach to the conclusion.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
sum of the federal budget
is allocated
for the sports' activities and its infrastructure which
indirectly
contributed by the public. As the infra and services provided for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to become a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
are from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's fund, it is not justified to pay them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
money for their regular work as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and fund have invested by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
,
yet
he is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
salary.

However
, based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, everyone selects his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
positives and drawbacks.
Similarly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
have shorter duration of the career as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals, which justify the large of fund paid to them. Any athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to maintain a healthy diet and
Possible agreement error. The noun workout seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of workouts".
a lot of workout
is required
to
be fit
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself performing in the relative game. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
participate in any world tournaments, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up the high expectation and pressure of citizens to perform,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can bring accolades to the country. Keeping the pride and their stature as a celebrity, a hefty pay
Possible spelling mistake. 'cheque' is British English.
cheque
is justified
.

In conclusion
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
which has a deeper connection with the citizen's emotions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and critical. At the same time, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to sacrifice his family for trips abroad and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to earn money for his entire lifetime in the short span of sports' career.
Hence
, these points justify my opinion to pay the higher amount for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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